I sat down last night to map out an action plan. I know where I want to end up. I have a vague idea how to get there. The curious thing is: are my limited knowledge and limiting beliefs going to hold me up or stop me in my tracks all together? I think I'm a smart cookie but I realize I don't know a whole heck of a lot in the grand scheme of things. So if I sit here and make out an action plan that would make a hive of bees exhausted will it really benefit me in the long run?
That point was driven home a little bit today as I watched The Stand on tv (it's a Stephen King weekend on ScyFy!). I had just finished the book on Tuesday, tried to order it on Netflix but it wasn't in stock. As luck, or synchronicity, would have it, the whole blessed thing was on today. So I watched it. And made dinner. And drank coffee. And played Spider Solitaire and thought about the best laid plans we make for our lives with a narrow self-interest in mind. How much of what we worry about really matters at the end of the day, when we invariably Stand before Judgement? Do our Earthly ideals come from our Spirits or from our Egos?
I suppose the answer to that question depends upon what you believe. Being broke as heck is such a blessing. For one, it shows you who your friends are. Second, it shows you what you really need in this world. Third, it gives you a different set of eyes through which to see the world. Through my eyes much of what we work towards and 'value', the things that target us in their ads and commercials, are vapid and shallow. I like toys and stuff but I won't work 60 hours a week to keep up with any social status symbol. I have no problem with working hard but it has to be worth it in more ways than money. And I don't give a hoot and a holler whether anyone agrees with that or not.
If anything like the Captain Trips superflu, like the one that mowed down 99% of the population in The Stand, ever were to happen how many of us would be able to survive the life afterwards? Without cars or A/C or stoves or supermarkets? I know I could (unless of course I had an appendicitis. Not so sure I could handle that on my own). And there is value in that. Stove not working. Fine, I'll dig a fire pit in the back yard, bust out my cast iron and wrangle out a batch of biscuits.
The idea is that I needed to clarify what I really want and what I am working towards. WHY am I doing what I am doing? I think the overwhelming, resonating factor is I want to be free to move through life, to be equipped to roll with the punches. I want to be out of debt because I want to be in charge of my money. What did my sister call credit cards? Ah yes, Plastic Apples. Garden of Eden reference for anyone a bit confused. I want a functioning, safe car so that I can get myself or my son to the doctor's office if I need to, to take us places where we will learn and live and experience something more than TV and video games (and Facebook, I am guilty as charged). I want to lose weight and be healthy so my mind and body function the way they were intended to function, fueled by that which Father Heaven and Mother Nature have provided for us. To experience the physical pleasures of life (get your mind out of the gutters, I'm not talking ONLY about THAT).
Honestly, at this point in time I would love to spend a week or two in some little house on some prairie, cooking in fireplace, reading and sewing, worrying only about surviving and thinking and writing. I don't think that's a very practical solution. So what to do? What to do that won't be counter productive or spinning in the mud? How do I know what's the right path and what is a Standard American Ideal?
I'm not sure. God isn't keen on dropping instructions or maps from the sky. I've asked repeatedly. That makes me think about an episode of the Simpsons. Homer didn't want to go to church with Marge anymore and he asked her, "How do we even know that we picked the right religion. Every Sunday we could be making God madder and madder." Something about it struck me as ridiculously funny and some what disturbing. I started wondering if there was something to that. How do we know what we are supposed to do? Then I had to laugh at myself. Look at me, hanging on Homer Simpson's words like he's Yoda.
I'm looking for the difference between Inspired Action and Making Myself Busy. I don't want to wait any longer to make something happen but I don't want to waste my time on ineffectual activities.
Maybe things will look clearer in the morning.
Sara Smile
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