Day 30: Thinner Thursday #3

THE WINNER OF THE MERLOT CANDLE IS......HEATHER DRUMM!!!!

Congratulations, Heather.  Make sure you head over to the Pour Daddy's Facebook site and thank them for the sweet sweet discount they gave me so I could afford the purchase. lol

Now, on to new business.  As you may know, Thinner Thursdays are my weight in days at the weight loss challenge.  I was worried, more worried than last week because, as of 2 days ago, I was UP 4 lbs from last week's weigh in weight.  On the scale at the challenge tonight I was -0.8 lbs from last week's weight of 222.8 lbs.  That means I lost not only the 4 lbs from 2 days ago but also another .8 on top of that.  I went up in weight due to poor choices and stress and overwhelm but I got 'The Fear' in me and got it done.  If I can keep this momentum I will hopefully lose 4 or 5 lbs for next week.  That would take me out of the 220s and that much closer to Onederland, as we like to call it in the business (below the 200lb mark into the 190s).  I look forward to putting the 200s behind me instead of on my behind.  I haven't been below that mark since Kenny's 1st Birthday....he is now 11.  You do the math.

I can honestly say struggled with choices.  I took Kenny to the mall this week for sneakers and wanted to go to Arby's and devour a Cheddar Melt, snarf down a Cinnabon and then hit Starbucks for some stomach cramping concoction.  Why?  Dunno.  Pissed.  Annoyed.  Wanted to sooth some inner child that is sick of having to work so hard to care.  Of course it's counter productive.  Of course it's not the way to live.  Of course I KNOW people love me and I get in my own way.  I'm not stupid.  I'm tired.  But that it's any reason not to make a better decision.  Apathetic people piss me the hell off yet when it comes to myself I get...maybe not apathetic, but numb.  To make a continuous set of positive choices takes a level of deliberate intention that is kinda exhausting to me.  I had a curly fry dipped in horsey sauce before I realized what I was doing. And I did have 2 bites of Kenny's Cinnabon but that was it.  What actually stopped me from becoming an American carnivore was boots...knee high leather boots in the women's shoe department at Kohl's.  Yes, I'm that shallow.  Self-esteem, inner strength, self improvement, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda.  I wanna wear the cute boots that I have never been able to zipper over my chunky, ashy calves.  And I want to buy them in a women's shoe store, not the drag queen section of Payless.  So I dealt with it and pulled it out.

So that was that and we will start all over tomorrow morning. 

Sara Smile