THE WINNER OF THE MERLOT CANDLE IS......HEATHER DRUMM!!!!
Congratulations, Heather. Make sure you head over to the Pour Daddy's Facebook site and thank them for the sweet sweet discount they gave me so I could afford the purchase. lol
Now, on to new business. As you may know, Thinner Thursdays are my weight in days at the weight loss challenge. I was worried, more worried than last week because, as of 2 days ago, I was UP 4 lbs from last week's weigh in weight. On the scale at the challenge tonight I was -0.8 lbs from last week's weight of 222.8 lbs. That means I lost not only the 4 lbs from 2 days ago but also another .8 on top of that. I went up in weight due to poor choices and stress and overwhelm but I got 'The Fear' in me and got it done. If I can keep this momentum I will hopefully lose 4 or 5 lbs for next week. That would take me out of the 220s and that much closer to Onederland, as we like to call it in the business (below the 200lb mark into the 190s). I look forward to putting the 200s behind me instead of on my behind. I haven't been below that mark since Kenny's 1st Birthday....he is now 11. You do the math.
I can honestly say struggled with choices. I took Kenny to the mall this week for sneakers and wanted to go to Arby's and devour a Cheddar Melt, snarf down a Cinnabon and then hit Starbucks for some stomach cramping concoction. Why? Dunno. Pissed. Annoyed. Wanted to sooth some inner child that is sick of having to work so hard to care. Of course it's counter productive. Of course it's not the way to live. Of course I KNOW people love me and I get in my own way. I'm not stupid. I'm tired. But that it's any reason not to make a better decision. Apathetic people piss me the hell off yet when it comes to myself I get...maybe not apathetic, but numb. To make a continuous set of positive choices takes a level of deliberate intention that is kinda exhausting to me. I had a curly fry dipped in horsey sauce before I realized what I was doing. And I did have 2 bites of Kenny's Cinnabon but that was it. What actually stopped me from becoming an American carnivore was boots...knee high leather boots in the women's shoe department at Kohl's. Yes, I'm that shallow. Self-esteem, inner strength, self improvement, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda. I wanna wear the cute boots that I have never been able to zipper over my chunky, ashy calves. And I want to buy them in a women's shoe store, not the drag queen section of Payless. So I dealt with it and pulled it out.
So that was that and we will start all over tomorrow morning.
Sara Smile
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Day 28: Reset
I didn't do any blogging over the weekend because I really couldn't put into words what I was thinking. That says a lot coming from me. I usually can always think if somethnig to say. I actually spent most of the day Sunday watching movies and hanging out with Kenny. I watched Shutter Island, Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Prince of Persia (yum!). Yes, I was being lazy and unmotivated. Yes, there are a lot of things I could have been doing that were more productive toward my goals. But I didn't. I allowed myself to get lost in the escapism of the movies, just thinking and watching and experiencing the stories through that open window we call the screen. I was actually really sorry to have Shutter Island end because it was so compelling and interesting, the time period and scenery were unbelievable. I'm still trying to figure out what actually happened at the end. It really did me some good to allow the pressure I put myself under to ease a bit, to not be anything other than a spectator. It helped to hit the reset button.
Last week was not great. Kenny sick, we fell behind on school work, didn't get hardly anything done I wanted to get done, child support did not come again, focus on my weight goals waned in and out and I got really frustrated. And all along side of that I'm still crunching ideas around in my brain for a way to make a business that stands out.
The good news is I seem to be getting a lump of back owed child support. I won't hold my breath for next week, I'll just have to be careful with what I have for now. I'm thankful it came because Kenny has out grown the sneakers I bought him with the weigh in money I won in the spring. It's getting cold out there and flip flops just aren't going to cut it much longer. I also think I hit upon a good business angle which I won't go into right now. I want to keep smoothing it out and working the reality into my ever so high ideals. It is a somewhat major shifting of gears but I think it'll be more lucrative than the way I was going at it before.
I also took a break from educational reading and business enlightenment and sank my teeth (pun intended) into Salem's Lot by Stephen King. Love me some Stephen King. Why? Because he gets inside your head and stays there. I read It in the 7th grade and to this day I won't walk over a storm drain if I can help it. They all float down there. Freakin clowns. King is just a fantastic story teller. I will have to make sure I rent the movie from Netflix. Vanessa and I tried to watch it many times when we were in high school but we could never get past the part where the vampire kid is floating outside the window. lol They usually screw up Stephen King books when they make them into movies but I want to see it anyway. I get really attached to his characters and I want to see how they are portrayed in the movie, who plays them.
I guess now I just keep plugging away. Keep on chugging until some of these crazy ideas if mine become habit and bigger, better things happen all the time. I've had more than my share of trials and I'm fed up quite frankly. I want a better way and a life that I wake up looking forward to, not one I have to talk myself into dealing with. So keep your fingers crossed for me and don't forget to leave a comment on last Thursdays blog telling me what your favorite fall scent is and what it reminds you of. It puts you in the running for a free Merlot soy candle from Pour Daddy's.
Happy Hump Day, Everyone!
Sara Smile
Last week was not great. Kenny sick, we fell behind on school work, didn't get hardly anything done I wanted to get done, child support did not come again, focus on my weight goals waned in and out and I got really frustrated. And all along side of that I'm still crunching ideas around in my brain for a way to make a business that stands out.
The good news is I seem to be getting a lump of back owed child support. I won't hold my breath for next week, I'll just have to be careful with what I have for now. I'm thankful it came because Kenny has out grown the sneakers I bought him with the weigh in money I won in the spring. It's getting cold out there and flip flops just aren't going to cut it much longer. I also think I hit upon a good business angle which I won't go into right now. I want to keep smoothing it out and working the reality into my ever so high ideals. It is a somewhat major shifting of gears but I think it'll be more lucrative than the way I was going at it before.
I also took a break from educational reading and business enlightenment and sank my teeth (pun intended) into Salem's Lot by Stephen King. Love me some Stephen King. Why? Because he gets inside your head and stays there. I read It in the 7th grade and to this day I won't walk over a storm drain if I can help it. They all float down there. Freakin clowns. King is just a fantastic story teller. I will have to make sure I rent the movie from Netflix. Vanessa and I tried to watch it many times when we were in high school but we could never get past the part where the vampire kid is floating outside the window. lol They usually screw up Stephen King books when they make them into movies but I want to see it anyway. I get really attached to his characters and I want to see how they are portrayed in the movie, who plays them.
I guess now I just keep plugging away. Keep on chugging until some of these crazy ideas if mine become habit and bigger, better things happen all the time. I've had more than my share of trials and I'm fed up quite frankly. I want a better way and a life that I wake up looking forward to, not one I have to talk myself into dealing with. So keep your fingers crossed for me and don't forget to leave a comment on last Thursdays blog telling me what your favorite fall scent is and what it reminds you of. It puts you in the running for a free Merlot soy candle from Pour Daddy's.
Happy Hump Day, Everyone!
Sara Smile
Friday, September 24, 2010
Day 24: New and Improved
The look of the blog has changed a little bit and there is a reason for that! I added 2 new pages to this blog for your reading pleasure.
1st I added a recipe page called Eat It! where I will list recipes that I use for my weight loss plan. You can find it under the Quantum Leap Frog banner at the top of the page. I have 2 recipes on there now and a few more that I want to put up. My recipes tend to be a little off the wall because I follow the beat of a slightly different dieting drummer. I am sensitive to wheat and gluten so I am always looking for alternatives to flour. I'm lactose intolerant so whey protein leaves me doubled over in pain and I simply won't do soy protein because I, personally, believe it is bad for the thyroid in large quantities. I use alternatives for those too. So if you would like to try some of the recipes on my blog and can't find the ingredients in your local super market I have created an Amazon store with a lot of harder to find ingredients already found for you. The Amazon store has 2 categories: Reading & Audio (it contains the media I am using along the way towards a new and improved Sara) and a Pantry (food items). The Amazon store is the reason the blog now looks different. I had to reconfigure the layout to give the store the space necessary to function properly.
The store and recipe pages will be updated pretty regularly so make sure to check in on them from time to time. You never know when you'll find something you like. I used the Amazon store on another blog I follow and I was really impressed with how it functioned, so imagine my excitement to realize I could make my own on this blog! It's pretty cool.
Now back to the reason we're all here:
Today I tried to get back into some kind of groove. I needed to get Kenny back into school work (we'd taken a few days off), get myself back onto a better eating track and try to just get some things done. I have yet to get done all of the items on my self-imposed Quantum Leap work list in 1 day. I usually get the blog and the gallon of water in, sometimes the reading but other things just come up or I just shut down and need to veg out to let my brain unwrap itself from the knot it gets into around my brain stem. Today I did manage to get a fantastic beef stew on the stove, drank my water, tried to multi-task but alas, my hitch sputtered out of my giddy up before the daylight did. Making sure Kenny gets all his meds in at appropriate times interrupts my thoughts and I have been sitting up late at night listening to him breath in his sleep to make sure the cooler night air isn't making his chest tighten up. I hate it when he's sick. I'd rather be sick myself than hear him not be able to breath properly. I had the Swine Flu last year so I know how it feels to not be able to breath without wheezing.
Kenny, however, thinks it's pretty cool to have a medical apparatus. He can't wait to show it to his cousin who is diabetic and needs to carry supplies with him where ever he goes. Hopefully the novelty will wear off and he will prefer to be healthy again. I'm not a huge fan of General Medicine and not one to immediately lean on the medical industry unless I have to so I am not as enamoured with his antibiotics and inhaler as he is. I have to keep Motrin on hand for the headaches he gets after using the inhaler and Benedryl in case he starts getting hives from the antibiotic. He's allergic to certain types. So right now he's pumped full of a variety of different chemicals and medicines and that makes me nervous. The human body is too delicately balanced to be bombarded haphazardly with this and that the other thing the doctor adds to the list. I think part of the reason we are all so sick and out of balance is because there is so much 'stuff' in our environment building up in our bodies and compounding into general maladies and eventually larger issues. It's a little scary! Did I mention he got 4 booster shots at his physical, too? I am not sure on which side of the fence I stand on the Inoculation Debate. I don't know who to believe about the nature of the medicines, how they are processed and what problems they can actually cause. I've read the literature but there isn't conclusive evidence one way or the other that satisfies the nervous mommy in me.
I sometimes wish there was a parenting manual that got sent home with you from the hospital...but then again it would probably have been published by corporate entity owned collectively by Monsanto, BP and drug manufacturers. Who's to say the information wouldn't have been a very long print ad for their methods and products?
Speaking of Big Business, here's something interesting I learned from my Organic Gardening magazine. Don't use recycled tires as planters....not even if you think you are being green. And don't use shredded rubber from tires around your playground areas or near your garden. Why? Because as the sun and weather slowly wears away at the material, heavy metals used in the tired production process are leeched into the ground, into your soil and eventually into the ground water supply. Nice, huh? It pays to be informed.
Until tomorrow, my friends...have a Happy Saturday!
Sara Smile
1st I added a recipe page called Eat It! where I will list recipes that I use for my weight loss plan. You can find it under the Quantum Leap Frog banner at the top of the page. I have 2 recipes on there now and a few more that I want to put up. My recipes tend to be a little off the wall because I follow the beat of a slightly different dieting drummer. I am sensitive to wheat and gluten so I am always looking for alternatives to flour. I'm lactose intolerant so whey protein leaves me doubled over in pain and I simply won't do soy protein because I, personally, believe it is bad for the thyroid in large quantities. I use alternatives for those too. So if you would like to try some of the recipes on my blog and can't find the ingredients in your local super market I have created an Amazon store with a lot of harder to find ingredients already found for you. The Amazon store has 2 categories: Reading & Audio (it contains the media I am using along the way towards a new and improved Sara) and a Pantry (food items). The Amazon store is the reason the blog now looks different. I had to reconfigure the layout to give the store the space necessary to function properly.
The store and recipe pages will be updated pretty regularly so make sure to check in on them from time to time. You never know when you'll find something you like. I used the Amazon store on another blog I follow and I was really impressed with how it functioned, so imagine my excitement to realize I could make my own on this blog! It's pretty cool.
Now back to the reason we're all here:
Today I tried to get back into some kind of groove. I needed to get Kenny back into school work (we'd taken a few days off), get myself back onto a better eating track and try to just get some things done. I have yet to get done all of the items on my self-imposed Quantum Leap work list in 1 day. I usually get the blog and the gallon of water in, sometimes the reading but other things just come up or I just shut down and need to veg out to let my brain unwrap itself from the knot it gets into around my brain stem. Today I did manage to get a fantastic beef stew on the stove, drank my water, tried to multi-task but alas, my hitch sputtered out of my giddy up before the daylight did. Making sure Kenny gets all his meds in at appropriate times interrupts my thoughts and I have been sitting up late at night listening to him breath in his sleep to make sure the cooler night air isn't making his chest tighten up. I hate it when he's sick. I'd rather be sick myself than hear him not be able to breath properly. I had the Swine Flu last year so I know how it feels to not be able to breath without wheezing.
Kenny, however, thinks it's pretty cool to have a medical apparatus. He can't wait to show it to his cousin who is diabetic and needs to carry supplies with him where ever he goes. Hopefully the novelty will wear off and he will prefer to be healthy again. I'm not a huge fan of General Medicine and not one to immediately lean on the medical industry unless I have to so I am not as enamoured with his antibiotics and inhaler as he is. I have to keep Motrin on hand for the headaches he gets after using the inhaler and Benedryl in case he starts getting hives from the antibiotic. He's allergic to certain types. So right now he's pumped full of a variety of different chemicals and medicines and that makes me nervous. The human body is too delicately balanced to be bombarded haphazardly with this and that the other thing the doctor adds to the list. I think part of the reason we are all so sick and out of balance is because there is so much 'stuff' in our environment building up in our bodies and compounding into general maladies and eventually larger issues. It's a little scary! Did I mention he got 4 booster shots at his physical, too? I am not sure on which side of the fence I stand on the Inoculation Debate. I don't know who to believe about the nature of the medicines, how they are processed and what problems they can actually cause. I've read the literature but there isn't conclusive evidence one way or the other that satisfies the nervous mommy in me.
I sometimes wish there was a parenting manual that got sent home with you from the hospital...but then again it would probably have been published by corporate entity owned collectively by Monsanto, BP and drug manufacturers. Who's to say the information wouldn't have been a very long print ad for their methods and products?
Speaking of Big Business, here's something interesting I learned from my Organic Gardening magazine. Don't use recycled tires as planters....not even if you think you are being green. And don't use shredded rubber from tires around your playground areas or near your garden. Why? Because as the sun and weather slowly wears away at the material, heavy metals used in the tired production process are leeched into the ground, into your soil and eventually into the ground water supply. Nice, huh? It pays to be informed.
Until tomorrow, my friends...have a Happy Saturday!
Sara Smile
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Day 23: Thinner Thursday #2
First things first. Weigh in was tonight and what is the verdict?
-4 lbs
I was down exactly 4 lbs from last week bringing my weight down to 222.4. I was really hoping for a double digit however I knew going into it that it probably wasn't going to happen. I did a lot of stress munching and I knew I was not on top of my game. 4 lbs is good especially in a downward progression. But to me it is a little bit average. I'm looking for 'quantum leaps' here, not 'good enough steps' so I will have to look back at my week and try to find a better groove. One advantage I have over everyone else in the group is time on my hands so there is no reason I shouldn't be able to kick this out. I need to stay the hell out of my own way and stop over complicating things.
2nd order of business: who won the lip balm? Why is was Anonymous Amy! Congratulations Amy ( FB me with your address!). If you did not win this time don't fret! Why?
Because I have another item to give away! I mentioned it in yesterday's post but if you missed it let me fill you in. What I have up for grabs this week is a fabulous Pour Daddy's hand poured soy candle. It is 6 oz of Merlot-scented goodness and it is up for grabs. All you have to do is post a comment with your name in it telling me what your favorite fall scent is and what memories it brings you! I love the Merlot scent because it reminds me of fall nights with good friends at the Nissley lawn concerts.
You can find Pour Daddy's on their Facebook site or at
-Root's in Manheim on Tuesdays
-Hershey Farmer's Market (across the road from the medical center) on Thursdays
-Saturday's Market in Middletown on Saturdays
-various craft shows and fairs around the area (see Facebook site for details)
Post your comment entries here and then look for Thinner Thursday #3 next week to see if you won!
Sara Smile
-4 lbs
I was down exactly 4 lbs from last week bringing my weight down to 222.4. I was really hoping for a double digit however I knew going into it that it probably wasn't going to happen. I did a lot of stress munching and I knew I was not on top of my game. 4 lbs is good especially in a downward progression. But to me it is a little bit average. I'm looking for 'quantum leaps' here, not 'good enough steps' so I will have to look back at my week and try to find a better groove. One advantage I have over everyone else in the group is time on my hands so there is no reason I shouldn't be able to kick this out. I need to stay the hell out of my own way and stop over complicating things.
2nd order of business: who won the lip balm? Why is was Anonymous Amy! Congratulations Amy ( FB me with your address!). If you did not win this time don't fret! Why?
Because I have another item to give away! I mentioned it in yesterday's post but if you missed it let me fill you in. What I have up for grabs this week is a fabulous Pour Daddy's hand poured soy candle. It is 6 oz of Merlot-scented goodness and it is up for grabs. All you have to do is post a comment with your name in it telling me what your favorite fall scent is and what memories it brings you! I love the Merlot scent because it reminds me of fall nights with good friends at the Nissley lawn concerts.
You can find Pour Daddy's on their Facebook site or at
-Root's in Manheim on Tuesdays
-Hershey Farmer's Market (across the road from the medical center) on Thursdays
-Saturday's Market in Middletown on Saturdays
-various craft shows and fairs around the area (see Facebook site for details)
Post your comment entries here and then look for Thinner Thursday #3 next week to see if you won!
Sara Smile
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Day 22: Tomorrow is Judgement Day
So tomorrow night is my weigh in. I've been tracking myself on my own scale here at home but my scale is usually a few pounds heavier than theirs, plus the challenge weighs in at night which will affect generally increase your weigh simply because you've been eating, drinking and retaining all day long. I have done well this week, however I don't know if I've done the phenomenal job of it I was looking to do. Life is stressful sometimes and doesn't always go according to plan.
My son has been sick much of the week and yesterday afternoon was spent at the doctor's office while he sucked on a nebulizer. We left with 3 prescriptions: 2 for in inhaler and spacer and 1 for antibiotics for a blooming ear infection. He hasn't had an ear infection since I pulled him from public school 2 years ago! His blood pressure was elevated, probably from being dehydrated (nurse said his lungs were probably drawing moisture from his body to facilitate the phlegm production) which also gave him a wheezing cough, hence the inhaler. It's scary. Not as scary as watching ER attendants set his broken arm 2 yrs ago but still, you never want to see your child suffer. Food choices were not fantastic yesterday and I caught myself 'stress munching' and just wanting to nosh on something in general. I had waaaay too much coffee and I could tell I was getting dehydrated.
I am already grateful for my insurance benefits and food stamps, but never so much as I am now. Paying for a doctor's appointment, medicine and Gatorade and OJ to get him rehydrate would have cost every cent I have. I still have not heard anything about my child support so it would have left me with nothing. So once again, I would like to thank all of the employed tax-payers reading this blog.
I know I am not the only one out here struggling. Last weekend we went to the Old Fashioned Days in Bainbridge and there were a lot of small businesses there with their tents set up, hoping to make a decent go of it. Had I known about it ahead of time I would have gotten a stand there myself. Oh well, them's the breaks, kid. But while I was there I came across a man who makes and sells soy candles. My dear friend Holly and I had talked to him out at Root's and as we were walking away from his stand that day I said to her, "I would like to get one of his candles and give it away on my blog." When I stopped at his stand in Bainbridge I decided: What the hell. It's the least I can do for all you kind people who indirectly buy my health coverage and groceries each month. I won't give you specifics on what I bought or how to win it until Thursday night when I post my weigh in results and pick the winner for the lip balm. However I will tell you this: the company is called Pour Daddy's. You can find him at Saturday's Market in Middletown, Root's on Tuesdays, and the Hershey Farmer's Market across from the medical campus on Thursdays. You can also find him and his specific itinerary on Facebook at Pour Daddy's on Facebook. Go check him out and come back tomorrow to see how to win!
Sara Smile
My son has been sick much of the week and yesterday afternoon was spent at the doctor's office while he sucked on a nebulizer. We left with 3 prescriptions: 2 for in inhaler and spacer and 1 for antibiotics for a blooming ear infection. He hasn't had an ear infection since I pulled him from public school 2 years ago! His blood pressure was elevated, probably from being dehydrated (nurse said his lungs were probably drawing moisture from his body to facilitate the phlegm production) which also gave him a wheezing cough, hence the inhaler. It's scary. Not as scary as watching ER attendants set his broken arm 2 yrs ago but still, you never want to see your child suffer. Food choices were not fantastic yesterday and I caught myself 'stress munching' and just wanting to nosh on something in general. I had waaaay too much coffee and I could tell I was getting dehydrated.
I am already grateful for my insurance benefits and food stamps, but never so much as I am now. Paying for a doctor's appointment, medicine and Gatorade and OJ to get him rehydrate would have cost every cent I have. I still have not heard anything about my child support so it would have left me with nothing. So once again, I would like to thank all of the employed tax-payers reading this blog.
I know I am not the only one out here struggling. Last weekend we went to the Old Fashioned Days in Bainbridge and there were a lot of small businesses there with their tents set up, hoping to make a decent go of it. Had I known about it ahead of time I would have gotten a stand there myself. Oh well, them's the breaks, kid. But while I was there I came across a man who makes and sells soy candles. My dear friend Holly and I had talked to him out at Root's and as we were walking away from his stand that day I said to her, "I would like to get one of his candles and give it away on my blog." When I stopped at his stand in Bainbridge I decided: What the hell. It's the least I can do for all you kind people who indirectly buy my health coverage and groceries each month. I won't give you specifics on what I bought or how to win it until Thursday night when I post my weigh in results and pick the winner for the lip balm. However I will tell you this: the company is called Pour Daddy's. You can find him at Saturday's Market in Middletown, Root's on Tuesdays, and the Hershey Farmer's Market across from the medical campus on Thursdays. You can also find him and his specific itinerary on Facebook at Pour Daddy's on Facebook. Go check him out and come back tomorrow to see how to win!
Sara Smile
Monday, September 20, 2010
Day 20: Do You Remember? It was the 21st Day of September...
I love this song and you simply can't watch this video without smiling...great music, impeccable fashion sense!
Earth, Wind & Fire - September
My cousin posted this on Facebook today and I probably listened to it about 6 times. I was chair dancing to it with my son's headphones over my ears so I could blast it straight into my brain. He walked into the room, stared at me, shook his head and left the room again.
Yeah, son, your mama likes to jam. A friend once described my preferred taste in music as 80s Pop and 70s Cheese. I think that sums it up well. I listen to a lot of different kinds of music but the common ground to everything I listen to is that it either delivers a fantastic message or it makes me want to snap my fingers and shake my assets. Earth, Wind & Fire is awesome, I love me some Tina Turner and James Brown. Gotta have my 80s classics (I'm looking at you Wham!) and my hair band rock ballads. Metallica and AC/DC changed my brain forever. I was positively in loooove with John Mellencamp and I really did want him to make it hurt so good because, well, sometimes love don't feel like it should.
I had wanted to take dance classes when I was a kid. It was a natural first step towards my inevitable career as a Solid Gold Dancer. However, I wasn't allowed. My mom claimed that "Christians don't dance." That was secret code for 'it's too expensive and I don't want to have to drive you anywhere.' So I went undiscovered and unfulfilled, secretly bopping around my room in the 80s to the enormous radio I inherited from my brother. It was decked out with a radio, a record player AND an 8-track deck. I can remember specific times in my life according to what songs I listened to at the time. "Manic Monday" by the Bangles reminds me of eating a hollow Easter bunny in my room. "Wild Wild West" by the Escape Club was popular when we moved in junior high. I remember staring at the hideous wall paper in my bedroom listening to that song. It looked like someone had cut the pages from the 1910 Sears & Roebucks catalogue and glued them to my wall. "Fly Like and Eagle" by the Steve Miller Band brings back memories of watching my cousin preen himself in the mirror in South Philadelphia in the early 80s. MC Hammer reminds me of trips to Philly in the 90s.
It's nice, sometimes, to just get lost in music, to let the sound remove all other aspects of the world for a small amount of time. I wish I had been a better musician or could carry a tune. I admire and envy people who can make an instrument sing or raise the hair on my arms when they hit a note just right. My sister bought me a ticket to see Celtic Woman in the Spring and the sound of Amazing Grace coming from the bagpipes almost brought me to tears. On the other end of the spectrum the sound of AC/DC's "Thunder Struck" on the bagpipes at the Celtic Fling sent electricity into the air and made me want to grab some randy chap in a kilt and get pagan on his ass. Luckily I was able to refrain. It was but by the grace of God no one around me was wearing patchouli. All bets would have been off. :-D (Patchouli has an interesting effect on me, somewhat like catnip)
What is your favorite music? How does it make you feel? Tell me, I want to know!
Sara Smile
Earth, Wind & Fire - September
My cousin posted this on Facebook today and I probably listened to it about 6 times. I was chair dancing to it with my son's headphones over my ears so I could blast it straight into my brain. He walked into the room, stared at me, shook his head and left the room again.
Yeah, son, your mama likes to jam. A friend once described my preferred taste in music as 80s Pop and 70s Cheese. I think that sums it up well. I listen to a lot of different kinds of music but the common ground to everything I listen to is that it either delivers a fantastic message or it makes me want to snap my fingers and shake my assets. Earth, Wind & Fire is awesome, I love me some Tina Turner and James Brown. Gotta have my 80s classics (I'm looking at you Wham!) and my hair band rock ballads. Metallica and AC/DC changed my brain forever. I was positively in loooove with John Mellencamp and I really did want him to make it hurt so good because, well, sometimes love don't feel like it should.
I had wanted to take dance classes when I was a kid. It was a natural first step towards my inevitable career as a Solid Gold Dancer. However, I wasn't allowed. My mom claimed that "Christians don't dance." That was secret code for 'it's too expensive and I don't want to have to drive you anywhere.' So I went undiscovered and unfulfilled, secretly bopping around my room in the 80s to the enormous radio I inherited from my brother. It was decked out with a radio, a record player AND an 8-track deck. I can remember specific times in my life according to what songs I listened to at the time. "Manic Monday" by the Bangles reminds me of eating a hollow Easter bunny in my room. "Wild Wild West" by the Escape Club was popular when we moved in junior high. I remember staring at the hideous wall paper in my bedroom listening to that song. It looked like someone had cut the pages from the 1910 Sears & Roebucks catalogue and glued them to my wall. "Fly Like and Eagle" by the Steve Miller Band brings back memories of watching my cousin preen himself in the mirror in South Philadelphia in the early 80s. MC Hammer reminds me of trips to Philly in the 90s.
It's nice, sometimes, to just get lost in music, to let the sound remove all other aspects of the world for a small amount of time. I wish I had been a better musician or could carry a tune. I admire and envy people who can make an instrument sing or raise the hair on my arms when they hit a note just right. My sister bought me a ticket to see Celtic Woman in the Spring and the sound of Amazing Grace coming from the bagpipes almost brought me to tears. On the other end of the spectrum the sound of AC/DC's "Thunder Struck" on the bagpipes at the Celtic Fling sent electricity into the air and made me want to grab some randy chap in a kilt and get pagan on his ass. Luckily I was able to refrain. It was but by the grace of God no one around me was wearing patchouli. All bets would have been off. :-D (Patchouli has an interesting effect on me, somewhat like catnip)
What is your favorite music? How does it make you feel? Tell me, I want to know!
Sara Smile
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Day 19: Procrastination Problems
I have been procrastinating writing for the past few days for a number of reasons. I really want each and everyday to be a revelation, at least to myself. I want to have something to SAY that shows that yes, indeed, I am moving forward and succeeding, but I get trapped in the mundane and have trouble finding miracles in the kitchen sink.
I hate house work. Anyone who has ever been to my house can see that clearly. It's not that I don't know HOW to clean, I do, and I will shine the place up right nice when I get a hankerin' to do it. But I hate the minutia involved in housework. I want a nice, clean, organized environment but seriously, I don't want to be the one to spend the entire day standing at the sink to make it happen. Call me selfish, call me lazy, call me negative but I firmly believe there was a woman somewhere who would have found the cure for cancer had she not been stuck in the kitchen scraping egg yolks off the fork tines. One day, when I get myself even a little bit of money, I am hiring a house keeper.
I know that all things in life are connected to the other things in life so I must sit back and reflect a bit to ask myself where this comes from and whether or not it plays a role where I find myself now. I think one of the biggest things I hate about house work is that it is a thankless job that is never done. There will always be more laundry and more dishes and more dust and more something. Maybe it is the artist in me but I want to finish something and see it stay done. Cleaning up the same messes make me feel even more trapped in the same loop I've been stuck in all this time. It's not getting better, it stays at the same level of undone. Does that make sense?
Weight loss is the same thing. Paying bills is the same thing. You do all the work and it's still never done, you got to do it all again the next day and if you (I) can't find a way to do it that fulfills, then it becomes drudgery. I will never forget a moment I had when I worked at my son's daycare center. I was the cook there and I enjoyed the cooking, I got along fairly well with my co-workers and I loved the kids. But the job wasn't getting me out of debt, it wasn't even keeping my minimum payments on track and my son hated being there. We had a particularly rough morning one day, snow on the ground and my son wasn't feeling well, and I remember standing at the back kitchen door watching the cars go by thinking, "We sure do go to a lot of effort to get somewhere that neither of us wants to be." It was a turning point. I don't want to live a life of drudgery to earn a paycheck to pay the bills that don't stay paid so I can have a house to sleep in before I go back to work to make the money to pay for the house. It is insanity to me. I've worked since I was 17, I put myself through college, I worked full time as a single mom for many years before I was laid off at the beginning of the recession. I even went to grad classes part-time while working full time. Lord knows I'm no stranger to a hard day's work and I appreciate and respect people who get up and go to work everyday. I just think we are all missing out on something.
I realize I am idealistic. I acknowledge it is easy to sit back and wax philosophical about my earning potential with someone else paying for the roof over my head. Trust me people, and many others out there can vouch for me on this, if I could pay for my own roof I'd leave here with my purse and the clothes on my back, shoes optional. But I refuse to be exhausted, unfulfilled and stressed out about child care and travel if I can help it. I tolerate too much as it is, I want what I want for a change.
"Great," you say, "we all agree with you and wish you would go live your dreams so you stop complaining all the time." Thank you for your moral support. I suppose I am just having a difficult time laying down that foundation of success for myself because I have no clue what it feels or looks like. Most people, especially the people in my immediate vicinity, are programmed to get a job that provides insurance, contribute to their 401K and hope nothing catastrophic happens between now and retirement.
I didn't go to college to get a job, I went to college to 1) get the hell out of my house and 2) to be something. But I don't think I knew how to do that. I didn't know how to be myself and I still struggle with that now. I'm not sure anymore what is me and what is what I thought I should be. I resent all the times I went on a diet or exercise plan because someone harped on me about my weight and I wanted to please them or get approval from them or at least make them shut the hell up. I shouldn't resent anyone else for my own choices and reactions but I do and I am being honest about it. I get pissed off when someone remarks about my 'potential' when they clearly have no clue what a struggle it has been for me just to get out of bed and deal with my life in its present incarnation. I am to the point that I am leery of accepting a kindness from most people because, too many times in the past, when I've drawn boundaries for myself across the board, certain acts of kindness were held over my head from different people. And that's just me being honest. Emotions are not facts, though they often times bear the truth.
So when you only half-way trust yourself and you only half-way trust other people where does that leave you? Well...here, apparently. lol And at the mercy of chaos and anxiety, prone to doubt and depression and anger that never gets resolved. Speaking my mind often creates discord which I emotionally have a really hard time processing. I grew up in constant tension and I f***ing hate it. It infuriates me when my opinion is disregarded or morphed out of its original form or when I am labeled as stressed out or negative because I disagree with someone. I have a long history of not getting along with Type A personalities because it drives me bonkers that someone in a room behaves as though their opinion or thoughts are the ones that should be heard and applied. My own emotional filter reads their 'confidence' as 'arrogance' and I am set immediately on the defensive.
So I continue to try and figure out where that quiet place is, inside myself at least until I can find it externally, where I can trust who I am and what it is that I want and where I can let other people just be who and what they are without it compounding my own world. I think we all struggle with this, some more than others. I think if most people knew what it is I really think they wouldn't see me the same way ever again. But that's a conversation for another time.
Sara Smile
I hate house work. Anyone who has ever been to my house can see that clearly. It's not that I don't know HOW to clean, I do, and I will shine the place up right nice when I get a hankerin' to do it. But I hate the minutia involved in housework. I want a nice, clean, organized environment but seriously, I don't want to be the one to spend the entire day standing at the sink to make it happen. Call me selfish, call me lazy, call me negative but I firmly believe there was a woman somewhere who would have found the cure for cancer had she not been stuck in the kitchen scraping egg yolks off the fork tines. One day, when I get myself even a little bit of money, I am hiring a house keeper.
I know that all things in life are connected to the other things in life so I must sit back and reflect a bit to ask myself where this comes from and whether or not it plays a role where I find myself now. I think one of the biggest things I hate about house work is that it is a thankless job that is never done. There will always be more laundry and more dishes and more dust and more something. Maybe it is the artist in me but I want to finish something and see it stay done. Cleaning up the same messes make me feel even more trapped in the same loop I've been stuck in all this time. It's not getting better, it stays at the same level of undone. Does that make sense?
Weight loss is the same thing. Paying bills is the same thing. You do all the work and it's still never done, you got to do it all again the next day and if you (I) can't find a way to do it that fulfills, then it becomes drudgery. I will never forget a moment I had when I worked at my son's daycare center. I was the cook there and I enjoyed the cooking, I got along fairly well with my co-workers and I loved the kids. But the job wasn't getting me out of debt, it wasn't even keeping my minimum payments on track and my son hated being there. We had a particularly rough morning one day, snow on the ground and my son wasn't feeling well, and I remember standing at the back kitchen door watching the cars go by thinking, "We sure do go to a lot of effort to get somewhere that neither of us wants to be." It was a turning point. I don't want to live a life of drudgery to earn a paycheck to pay the bills that don't stay paid so I can have a house to sleep in before I go back to work to make the money to pay for the house. It is insanity to me. I've worked since I was 17, I put myself through college, I worked full time as a single mom for many years before I was laid off at the beginning of the recession. I even went to grad classes part-time while working full time. Lord knows I'm no stranger to a hard day's work and I appreciate and respect people who get up and go to work everyday. I just think we are all missing out on something.
I realize I am idealistic. I acknowledge it is easy to sit back and wax philosophical about my earning potential with someone else paying for the roof over my head. Trust me people, and many others out there can vouch for me on this, if I could pay for my own roof I'd leave here with my purse and the clothes on my back, shoes optional. But I refuse to be exhausted, unfulfilled and stressed out about child care and travel if I can help it. I tolerate too much as it is, I want what I want for a change.
"Great," you say, "we all agree with you and wish you would go live your dreams so you stop complaining all the time." Thank you for your moral support. I suppose I am just having a difficult time laying down that foundation of success for myself because I have no clue what it feels or looks like. Most people, especially the people in my immediate vicinity, are programmed to get a job that provides insurance, contribute to their 401K and hope nothing catastrophic happens between now and retirement.
I didn't go to college to get a job, I went to college to 1) get the hell out of my house and 2) to be something. But I don't think I knew how to do that. I didn't know how to be myself and I still struggle with that now. I'm not sure anymore what is me and what is what I thought I should be. I resent all the times I went on a diet or exercise plan because someone harped on me about my weight and I wanted to please them or get approval from them or at least make them shut the hell up. I shouldn't resent anyone else for my own choices and reactions but I do and I am being honest about it. I get pissed off when someone remarks about my 'potential' when they clearly have no clue what a struggle it has been for me just to get out of bed and deal with my life in its present incarnation. I am to the point that I am leery of accepting a kindness from most people because, too many times in the past, when I've drawn boundaries for myself across the board, certain acts of kindness were held over my head from different people. And that's just me being honest. Emotions are not facts, though they often times bear the truth.
So when you only half-way trust yourself and you only half-way trust other people where does that leave you? Well...here, apparently. lol And at the mercy of chaos and anxiety, prone to doubt and depression and anger that never gets resolved. Speaking my mind often creates discord which I emotionally have a really hard time processing. I grew up in constant tension and I f***ing hate it. It infuriates me when my opinion is disregarded or morphed out of its original form or when I am labeled as stressed out or negative because I disagree with someone. I have a long history of not getting along with Type A personalities because it drives me bonkers that someone in a room behaves as though their opinion or thoughts are the ones that should be heard and applied. My own emotional filter reads their 'confidence' as 'arrogance' and I am set immediately on the defensive.
So I continue to try and figure out where that quiet place is, inside myself at least until I can find it externally, where I can trust who I am and what it is that I want and where I can let other people just be who and what they are without it compounding my own world. I think we all struggle with this, some more than others. I think if most people knew what it is I really think they wouldn't see me the same way ever again. But that's a conversation for another time.
Sara Smile
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Day 16: Thinner Thursday #1
Tonight was the first of 12 weigh ins for the Central PA Biggest Loser contest, Elizabethtown edition. I'm am going to go ahead, humiliate myself and tell you what I weigh.
Hold on to your butts. Their scale put me at 226.8 lbs. I am 5'4" with a BMI of 39.0 (obesity grade 3 according to our chart) and a Body Fat % of 43.7%.
When I started going to this particular group last Fall I started out at 248 lb with a BMI of 42.6 and a Body Fat % of 45.9%. My highest weight 2 years ago was 265 lbs.
So I've been heading downward over the past year and that's great, but now I'm greedy for success and I want more! No more putzing around, no more sneak eating, no more "I'll walk extra miles tomorrow to make up for eating/cheating/not walking today." No one loses 86+ lbs by doing a little bit here and there. I have a plan that's no joke. I won't have a whole lot of 'food fun' as I like to call it for quite awhile but hey, I've spent more than enough days of my life eating and tasting and procrastinating. Now I want to know what it's like to be healthy and centered and full of energy. Not to mention Stella needs to get her groove back but that's a whole other blog.
I'm afraid my plan is pretty ridiculously simple, so simple most people won't want to do it for so long. Clean protein (chicken, white fish, lean beef, turkey), clean vegetables of the least starchy variety, lower sugar fruits, herbal tea, spices, water water water. I already know I'm sensitive to wheat and gluten (oh, ABC Water Gap Wheat beer with your twist of lemon, I miss you) and I don't do so well with dairy. It makes me a bit snotty and gassy and bloated...how much more sexy can one person get? So it will be treated with caution.
I can hear the questions now: How do you get calcium and Vitamin D without consuming dairy? I take a coral calcium supplement and I go outside and soak up my Vitamin D the old fashioned way. And I never use sun block...nooo, that shit'll give you cancer.
I'm looking forward to a big number next week. Think I can hit a double digit?? Dare me...come one someone DARE me!
Seriously...leave a comment that says I Dare You with your name. All the names will go into a hat and on next week's Thinner Thursday Blog I will pick a name. That person will win a free Shugified Coffee Lip Balm! So go ahead, triple dog dare me!
<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wNoUH9T/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wNoUH9T/weight.png"></a>
(You should be able to leave comments even if you are not a Blogger.com member. Let me know if you have any trouble with it. Please make sure your name is on your comment so I know who to enter.)
Hold on to your butts. Their scale put me at 226.8 lbs. I am 5'4" with a BMI of 39.0 (obesity grade 3 according to our chart) and a Body Fat % of 43.7%.
When I started going to this particular group last Fall I started out at 248 lb with a BMI of 42.6 and a Body Fat % of 45.9%. My highest weight 2 years ago was 265 lbs.
So I've been heading downward over the past year and that's great, but now I'm greedy for success and I want more! No more putzing around, no more sneak eating, no more "I'll walk extra miles tomorrow to make up for eating/cheating/not walking today." No one loses 86+ lbs by doing a little bit here and there. I have a plan that's no joke. I won't have a whole lot of 'food fun' as I like to call it for quite awhile but hey, I've spent more than enough days of my life eating and tasting and procrastinating. Now I want to know what it's like to be healthy and centered and full of energy. Not to mention Stella needs to get her groove back but that's a whole other blog.
I'm afraid my plan is pretty ridiculously simple, so simple most people won't want to do it for so long. Clean protein (chicken, white fish, lean beef, turkey), clean vegetables of the least starchy variety, lower sugar fruits, herbal tea, spices, water water water. I already know I'm sensitive to wheat and gluten (oh, ABC Water Gap Wheat beer with your twist of lemon, I miss you) and I don't do so well with dairy. It makes me a bit snotty and gassy and bloated...how much more sexy can one person get? So it will be treated with caution.
I can hear the questions now: How do you get calcium and Vitamin D without consuming dairy? I take a coral calcium supplement and I go outside and soak up my Vitamin D the old fashioned way. And I never use sun block...nooo, that shit'll give you cancer.
I'm looking forward to a big number next week. Think I can hit a double digit?? Dare me...come one someone DARE me!
Seriously...leave a comment that says I Dare You with your name. All the names will go into a hat and on next week's Thinner Thursday Blog I will pick a name. That person will win a free Shugified Coffee Lip Balm! So go ahead, triple dog dare me!
<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wNoUH9T/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wNoUH9T/weight.png"></a>
(You should be able to leave comments even if you are not a Blogger.com member. Let me know if you have any trouble with it. Please make sure your name is on your comment so I know who to enter.)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Day 15: Seriously?
I am very intentionally staying positive right now. I am slapping a smile over gritted teeth and telling myself not to get upset. I knew when I started this blog that there would be hiccups from time to time. We are enrolled in Life 101, there are quizzes along the way and we don't get a syllabus at the beginning of the class. I was listening to an Anthony Robbins CD once upon a time and he was talking about positive thinking. He issued a challenge to listeners to maintain a positive thought process for 3 weeks. If a negative thought pops up make a conscious change immediately. If at any time in those 3 weeks you allow the negativity to spiral you have to start all over for another 3 weeks. Then he issued a warning. Whenever you make a declaration that you will only think positive thoughts you can expect, sometime within the 1st week, that something really negative will happen! I don't care how you label it, whether you want to call it a test of resolve and faith from the Powers That Be to see just how committed and serious you are or whether you want to call it Newton's 3rd Law of Motion (every action has an equal and opposite reaction) or whether you want to claim that the negative energies that thrived on your previous deep blue funk just won't go without a fight, it happens!
So what happened? My child support didn't show up. I usually get a deposit notice via email on Tuesday before the deposit is credited on Wednesday. I have received neither deposit nor notice. I looked up to the sky and asked, "Seriously?" I'm trying not to freak out. On occasion it has been late and come on Friday, but only rarely. I haven't heard from "Father of the Year" since 2004 so I have no clue what's going on. The only reason I figured it was safe to assume he was still alive was because the support was still coming. That is currently my only source of steady income.
Hhmmmm...what to do what to do? I have honestly spent all day battling my brain. There is abundance all around me. It grows out of the soil, it falls out of the sky and flows in the streams, it changes hands in varying quantities all over the place so there is plenty to go around. I have to remember to breath, relax, remain open to new avenues and new possibilities. I'm trying, Heaven help me, I'm trying!
Financial stability has been one of the biggest hurdles I deal with, equal in size and scope to my weight battle. It is one of those things that has the potential to make me panic and react. It is one of the reasons I stayed in bad relationships and jobs longer than I should have, tolerated being mistreated (because I was [am] afraid I can't survive on my own) and second guessed my own decisions. I asked for a Quantum Leap, I guess I can't make one without first trusting that there is abundance out there to leap into.
So as I started to lose my grip on my positive affirmations (I can tell it's happening when my emotional turmoil turns into physical chaos and I end up in the bathroom for a variety of maladies....so much for keeping on extra water weight for the weigh in Thursday night!) I did the only thing I could think to do at 10:30 pm. I filled tub with hot water and Epsom salts, got in and scootched all the way down so I was laying flat on the bottom of tub, submerged right up to the corners of my eyes. I ignore the fact that I look like a raw turkey that needs basted, let my ears fill up with water until everything in the world is muted out except for my heart beating and the air going in and out of my lungs. Only in that womb-like state, warm and wet and floating in relative silence, can I focus my mind back to where I need it to be.
The fact is there are far worse things that can affect me than money. There are much larger issues I could be facing and I am grateful that I am not. I have a healthy body, a sound mind (depending who you ask), I have arms and hands that work, I have a kid who loves me and friends and family who support me. There is always a way.
I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Sara Smile
So what happened? My child support didn't show up. I usually get a deposit notice via email on Tuesday before the deposit is credited on Wednesday. I have received neither deposit nor notice. I looked up to the sky and asked, "Seriously?" I'm trying not to freak out. On occasion it has been late and come on Friday, but only rarely. I haven't heard from "Father of the Year" since 2004 so I have no clue what's going on. The only reason I figured it was safe to assume he was still alive was because the support was still coming. That is currently my only source of steady income.
Hhmmmm...what to do what to do? I have honestly spent all day battling my brain. There is abundance all around me. It grows out of the soil, it falls out of the sky and flows in the streams, it changes hands in varying quantities all over the place so there is plenty to go around. I have to remember to breath, relax, remain open to new avenues and new possibilities. I'm trying, Heaven help me, I'm trying!
Financial stability has been one of the biggest hurdles I deal with, equal in size and scope to my weight battle. It is one of those things that has the potential to make me panic and react. It is one of the reasons I stayed in bad relationships and jobs longer than I should have, tolerated being mistreated (because I was [am] afraid I can't survive on my own) and second guessed my own decisions. I asked for a Quantum Leap, I guess I can't make one without first trusting that there is abundance out there to leap into.
So as I started to lose my grip on my positive affirmations (I can tell it's happening when my emotional turmoil turns into physical chaos and I end up in the bathroom for a variety of maladies....so much for keeping on extra water weight for the weigh in Thursday night!) I did the only thing I could think to do at 10:30 pm. I filled tub with hot water and Epsom salts, got in and scootched all the way down so I was laying flat on the bottom of tub, submerged right up to the corners of my eyes. I ignore the fact that I look like a raw turkey that needs basted, let my ears fill up with water until everything in the world is muted out except for my heart beating and the air going in and out of my lungs. Only in that womb-like state, warm and wet and floating in relative silence, can I focus my mind back to where I need it to be.
The fact is there are far worse things that can affect me than money. There are much larger issues I could be facing and I am grateful that I am not. I have a healthy body, a sound mind (depending who you ask), I have arms and hands that work, I have a kid who loves me and friends and family who support me. There is always a way.
I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Sara Smile
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Day 14: Send Me an Angel
To the Anonymous Angel who sent me a card in the mail...you made me cry in the driveway. Then I got a mental image of an angel struggling to fit wings through the doorway at the post office to buy a stamp and I couldn't help but giggle. So thank you. ;-)
What else did today bring? A 1/2 day of school work, a visit from a wonderful friend, a trip to Root's for walking and whoopie pies (Gobs if you're from our neck of Pennsyltucky), the final episode of Vicar of Dibley from Netflix and 60+ squares cut from scrap fabric. I'll call it an easy and great day! I need those from time to time. It's days like this that recharge the old batteries and make me think that it's worth plugging through the rest of the days that aren't like this.
I talked to a candle maker at Root's today. A lot of people have asked me if I am going to start making candles and my answer is, "Yes, eventually. When I have more room." That being said, I am always on the look out for a way to move out of here. If I look at the facts on paper it is a little discouraging to say the least. So I don't look. lol Yeah, I know, not proactive. My point is that is sets me in a negative tailspin defined by limited thinking and self criticism. I just keep asking myself, even with things the way that they are, how can I move into my own space so that my son and I can continue to get healthier mentally and physically and I can expand my operations into something that can generate a viable income? What is the answer? I know it's there, it has to be there. There is always a way. I feel like I'm stepping outside of my brain and looking into one of those I Spy books, except instead of tinker toy/doll baby chaos it's the clutter and brilliance of my own brain. Scanning scanning, don't be so literal, what is that over there? in the shadow, no that's not it, if there's any doubt or hesitation then it's not the answer, I'll know it when I see it.
Thinking
Thinking
Thinking
What else did today bring? A 1/2 day of school work, a visit from a wonderful friend, a trip to Root's for walking and whoopie pies (Gobs if you're from our neck of Pennsyltucky), the final episode of Vicar of Dibley from Netflix and 60+ squares cut from scrap fabric. I'll call it an easy and great day! I need those from time to time. It's days like this that recharge the old batteries and make me think that it's worth plugging through the rest of the days that aren't like this.
I talked to a candle maker at Root's today. A lot of people have asked me if I am going to start making candles and my answer is, "Yes, eventually. When I have more room." That being said, I am always on the look out for a way to move out of here. If I look at the facts on paper it is a little discouraging to say the least. So I don't look. lol Yeah, I know, not proactive. My point is that is sets me in a negative tailspin defined by limited thinking and self criticism. I just keep asking myself, even with things the way that they are, how can I move into my own space so that my son and I can continue to get healthier mentally and physically and I can expand my operations into something that can generate a viable income? What is the answer? I know it's there, it has to be there. There is always a way. I feel like I'm stepping outside of my brain and looking into one of those I Spy books, except instead of tinker toy/doll baby chaos it's the clutter and brilliance of my own brain. Scanning scanning, don't be so literal, what is that over there? in the shadow, no that's not it, if there's any doubt or hesitation then it's not the answer, I'll know it when I see it.
Thinking
Thinking
Thinking
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day 13: The Answer is Right on the Tip of My Brain!
We've all had the experience when the answer to a question is right on the tip of the tongue. You can feel it there, you just need to make sounds form around it to make it become real. I had that experience today except it wasn't on the tip of my tongue so much as it was on the tip of my brain. I was making chicken corn soup, which by the way, I finally wrote the recipe for. It was one of my throw and go dishes but since part of my 'passive income' quest involves finishing my cookbook, I finally put it all on paper.
Anyway, while I was engrossed in the act of pulling chicken meat off the bone, peeling and cutting potatoes, slicing the corn off the cob my mind wandered over all the things I want to do. It suddenly occurred to me that I knew the answer to my bigger problems. I had this semi-tangible sensation that it was really quite simple, that it's been in front of me all along and I have been in my own way complicating things. Now, I already knew that intellectually but at that moment a piece of the fog started to break up enough that I honestly got excited! I stood there, waiting, waiting for the answer to pop, for that familiar sensation that comes when the word you are searching for finally materializes and you are amazed that you ever could have forgotten it. But then it faded. It faded as the cloudy funk-energy I live in barked in the background and I lost the connection. DOH! So close. I tried to get it back the way you try to close your eyes and re-enter a good dream but apparently it doesn't work that way. But it was there...it was just starting to take shape and then it ::poof:: evaporated again. How frustrating. Yet strangely energizing. I wonder if this is how Edison felt the first time he got the slightest hint of a spark in the first rudimentary bulb.
The soup was fantastic, by the way.
I've been reading a lot of frufru 'good vibration' kind of books just because I need to get myself out of this looping tape that plays in my head. I'm still working my way through The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent by Esther and Jerry Hicks and in it they talk very briefly about the idea of a Segment Intending Process. I move into a new segment every time my intentions change: if I'm cooking and the phone rings I enter a new segment as I answer the phone. When I turned off the TV to write this blog I entered a new segment. Their idea is this: every time I enter a new 'segment' I should take a moment to clarify my intentions for that segment. Obviously some segments will be easier to prepare for. If you pull into work and you know you have to talk to your boss that day you can sit in the car for another minute to pray or clarify what kind of emotion you would like from that meeting. It's like a paving the moment in advance.
It's not a new concept, I mean, you do this every time you say Grace before a meal. You bow your head and apply the emotion of Gratitude upon the food provided and the Provider. It never occurred to me, however, to do it with everything. But it makes sense because one of my biggest issues with getting things done is letting myself get side tracked because I did not have a firm mind set about it. I knew there were things I wanted to do but I always have this notion of, "Well, my plans never work out because something else always comes up", mostly because that is what I have always experienced. But if I never learned to clarify my emotional intent and, most importantly, believe that my desires and activities are important and valuable enough to happen then of COURSE I won't get anything done the way that I want it to get done.
I'm sure those of you who were born with the Goal Setting Gene firmly planted in your brains think I rode the short bus over to the computer but seriously, this is ground breaking stuff for me. lol So tonight, I go to sleep with the firm expectation implanted upon my squishy grey matter that I already know the answers and they come to me effortlessly whenever I need them. I'm off to go dream a little dream. Maybe I should get a tape recorder in case I start reciting lottery numbers in my sleep! Awesome!
Sara Smile
Anyway, while I was engrossed in the act of pulling chicken meat off the bone, peeling and cutting potatoes, slicing the corn off the cob my mind wandered over all the things I want to do. It suddenly occurred to me that I knew the answer to my bigger problems. I had this semi-tangible sensation that it was really quite simple, that it's been in front of me all along and I have been in my own way complicating things. Now, I already knew that intellectually but at that moment a piece of the fog started to break up enough that I honestly got excited! I stood there, waiting, waiting for the answer to pop, for that familiar sensation that comes when the word you are searching for finally materializes and you are amazed that you ever could have forgotten it. But then it faded. It faded as the cloudy funk-energy I live in barked in the background and I lost the connection. DOH! So close. I tried to get it back the way you try to close your eyes and re-enter a good dream but apparently it doesn't work that way. But it was there...it was just starting to take shape and then it ::poof:: evaporated again. How frustrating. Yet strangely energizing. I wonder if this is how Edison felt the first time he got the slightest hint of a spark in the first rudimentary bulb.
The soup was fantastic, by the way.
I've been reading a lot of frufru 'good vibration' kind of books just because I need to get myself out of this looping tape that plays in my head. I'm still working my way through The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent by Esther and Jerry Hicks and in it they talk very briefly about the idea of a Segment Intending Process. I move into a new segment every time my intentions change: if I'm cooking and the phone rings I enter a new segment as I answer the phone. When I turned off the TV to write this blog I entered a new segment. Their idea is this: every time I enter a new 'segment' I should take a moment to clarify my intentions for that segment. Obviously some segments will be easier to prepare for. If you pull into work and you know you have to talk to your boss that day you can sit in the car for another minute to pray or clarify what kind of emotion you would like from that meeting. It's like a paving the moment in advance.
It's not a new concept, I mean, you do this every time you say Grace before a meal. You bow your head and apply the emotion of Gratitude upon the food provided and the Provider. It never occurred to me, however, to do it with everything. But it makes sense because one of my biggest issues with getting things done is letting myself get side tracked because I did not have a firm mind set about it. I knew there were things I wanted to do but I always have this notion of, "Well, my plans never work out because something else always comes up", mostly because that is what I have always experienced. But if I never learned to clarify my emotional intent and, most importantly, believe that my desires and activities are important and valuable enough to happen then of COURSE I won't get anything done the way that I want it to get done.
I'm sure those of you who were born with the Goal Setting Gene firmly planted in your brains think I rode the short bus over to the computer but seriously, this is ground breaking stuff for me. lol So tonight, I go to sleep with the firm expectation implanted upon my squishy grey matter that I already know the answers and they come to me effortlessly whenever I need them. I'm off to go dream a little dream. Maybe I should get a tape recorder in case I start reciting lottery numbers in my sleep! Awesome!
Sara Smile
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Day 12: Rosie
I love Rosie the Riveter. That's the broad with the 'guns' in my avatar picture. When I have accomplished my weight goal I would love love love to pose as Rosie (make a hell of a Christmas card, huh?) because she is one of my inspirations. There is a huge poster of her in the chick section of my gym; do rag tied up front, biceps popping, look in her face like, "yeah I built that plane, and I looked good doing it." Love. Her. It is the essence of how I feel inside. That's what I want to bring to the forefront.
This week is a kinda big week, first weigh in is Thursday. WooHoo! Sure, I could have started my weight loss from day 1. After all, if you are serious about something there is no 'best day' there is only 'today.' However in this case I am playing a bit of a numbers game. The weight loss tally goes by the percentage of pounds lost, not fat, so I kinda want to hold on to the extra 5 menstrual pounds I'm carrying around right now. lol Cheating? No. Strategy. It's not like I'm weighing in with ankle weights on. I can not WAIT to lose weight. I am soooo looking forward to being able to think straight and lay on my left side without feeling like my heart is going to get squished by my body fat. I am looking forward to seeing donuts and really not caring about them. I know I am capable of it, I've done it before. I am making a public declaration, more for myself than for you, This is the LAST time I am losing this weight. I am over it, I want nothing more to do with it, I don't want the lifestyle it demands, I finally realize that I will have more by having less, in a manner of speaking! It's funny. Any other time I've gone on a plan to lose weight it was outwardly optimistic but inwardly I braced for disappointment. This time I am just happy it will finally be out of the way. I'm not even sure what it is that I weigh right now. I will report that on Thursday, the REAL numbers, and I may even add a TickerFactory.com ticker for those of you who need pictures in your reading material. Thursday's Blog, I shall dub thee "Thinner Thursday!"
So I was looking around today and realized I have a lot of stuff. Cake making stuff, candy and chocolate mold stuff, paper making stuff, scrap booking stuff, sewing stuff, workout stuff, soap stuff...I bet a whole bunch of you out there do, too. Is there a way we could all get together and kinda....share....so that we can all help each other not only make use of our individual 'stuff' but also to get more people in the mindset to spend this holiday sharing more heartfelt gifts rather than making the CEOs of Walmart and Target richer? I have a lot of stuff but there are things I could use to finish projects. Sometimes, all I really need to finish a project is another person's energy doing something next to me, shared momentum, if you will. Those of us who don't have all the know how can get help from those who, well, know how. Where can this happen? Who has a big room or a big basement where we could all spread out, set up 'stations' and rotate from craft center to craft center making gifts? Has anyone ever out there ever done this before? I don't know. I know a girl I went to college with used to sell a line of home-party scrap booking products and she used to rent out the YMCA in Lebanon to have scrap booking parties for her customers. I'm thinking of maybe trying to organize the same thing but with multiple craft areas. Everyone could bring materials to add to the community chest and everyone could share, use what they need, do as much as they could there and maybe take the rest home to finish them. I think that would be totally cool. Anyone have any suggestions or insights? Anyone? Hey, how come no one is answering me? Did Captain Trips tear through the country without me knowing about it? (Stephen King reference...you gotta read The Stand to get it)
So hey ho, I gots to go. I need to figure out a schedule so that my blogs don't fall into the Single Digit AM hours. It makes mornings come very much early. Rosie and Her Guns bid you all a good night.
Sara Smile
This week is a kinda big week, first weigh in is Thursday. WooHoo! Sure, I could have started my weight loss from day 1. After all, if you are serious about something there is no 'best day' there is only 'today.' However in this case I am playing a bit of a numbers game. The weight loss tally goes by the percentage of pounds lost, not fat, so I kinda want to hold on to the extra 5 menstrual pounds I'm carrying around right now. lol Cheating? No. Strategy. It's not like I'm weighing in with ankle weights on. I can not WAIT to lose weight. I am soooo looking forward to being able to think straight and lay on my left side without feeling like my heart is going to get squished by my body fat. I am looking forward to seeing donuts and really not caring about them. I know I am capable of it, I've done it before. I am making a public declaration, more for myself than for you, This is the LAST time I am losing this weight. I am over it, I want nothing more to do with it, I don't want the lifestyle it demands, I finally realize that I will have more by having less, in a manner of speaking! It's funny. Any other time I've gone on a plan to lose weight it was outwardly optimistic but inwardly I braced for disappointment. This time I am just happy it will finally be out of the way. I'm not even sure what it is that I weigh right now. I will report that on Thursday, the REAL numbers, and I may even add a TickerFactory.com ticker for those of you who need pictures in your reading material. Thursday's Blog, I shall dub thee "Thinner Thursday!"
So I was looking around today and realized I have a lot of stuff. Cake making stuff, candy and chocolate mold stuff, paper making stuff, scrap booking stuff, sewing stuff, workout stuff, soap stuff...I bet a whole bunch of you out there do, too. Is there a way we could all get together and kinda....share....so that we can all help each other not only make use of our individual 'stuff' but also to get more people in the mindset to spend this holiday sharing more heartfelt gifts rather than making the CEOs of Walmart and Target richer? I have a lot of stuff but there are things I could use to finish projects. Sometimes, all I really need to finish a project is another person's energy doing something next to me, shared momentum, if you will. Those of us who don't have all the know how can get help from those who, well, know how. Where can this happen? Who has a big room or a big basement where we could all spread out, set up 'stations' and rotate from craft center to craft center making gifts? Has anyone ever out there ever done this before? I don't know. I know a girl I went to college with used to sell a line of home-party scrap booking products and she used to rent out the YMCA in Lebanon to have scrap booking parties for her customers. I'm thinking of maybe trying to organize the same thing but with multiple craft areas. Everyone could bring materials to add to the community chest and everyone could share, use what they need, do as much as they could there and maybe take the rest home to finish them. I think that would be totally cool. Anyone have any suggestions or insights? Anyone? Hey, how come no one is answering me? Did Captain Trips tear through the country without me knowing about it? (Stephen King reference...you gotta read The Stand to get it)
So hey ho, I gots to go. I need to figure out a schedule so that my blogs don't fall into the Single Digit AM hours. It makes mornings come very much early. Rosie and Her Guns bid you all a good night.
Sara Smile
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Day 11: Falling Behind Already!
Let me begin by saying I have bitten off one serious mouthful with this crazy scheme of mine. Since coming up with my tentative itinerary on my last post I have yet to finish even half of my goals for the day. I'm not giving up, oh no, not at all, I'm just owning up to my utter humanity. My son's cyber schooling program came with a bit of a learning curve and some technical issues that I did not bank on. We have spent the majority of our day trying to work our way through their expectation and I am, frankly, a bit frustrated and overwhelmed. I also feel a bit mislead because the representative I spoke to at the beginning of the summer led me to believe that my son's math level (which is not up to grade level for specific reasons) would be assessed and accommodated. Wrong! His homeroom teacher told me on the phone that all students are placed in their grade level and the school would help them catch up if they weren't up to grade level after about a month. I opened his math book to find that the review exercises were about 1 yr too advanced for where we ended our homeschooling math. I have to teach him how to do the problems in the review before we can advance to the first lesson! I'm an English major, so math is not my best subject. I'm frustrated right now, to say the least. Overall I am happy with the program but math has me vexed.
I know that, in regards to all of the things I am trying to change in my life, I should not expect to do everything perfectly right away. I am changing my whole LIFE, not just one habit so I should be a little bit nicer to myself. But then there is this part of me that thinks that letting myself off too easily is what got me here in the first place.
I have made some advancements. Baby steps are better than no steps. I ordered the provisions I will need for the up-coming weight loss challenge. Awesome. I can't wait to start losing weight. There is this pink cotton cami that I bought about 5 yrs ago (one of those, 'Hey, if I buy something that doesn't fit it will inspire me to lose weight" purchases). I have never worn it and I look forward to one day being able to put it on. I also have a Feel Your Boobie t-shirt that I bought at a Ladies Who Launch outing that has never been on my body, either. It was the biggest size they had but alas, I have tucked it away and will one day wear it. I will be sure to take and post a picture of it when I do! I took some 'before' pictures of myself in a bikini (yikes!) a few weeks ago but I really am not yet ready to post them. I will post them when I no longer look like that! I have a small fear that the picture will somehow end up on Chubby Chaser fetish porn. Chubby Chaser....that's such an inaccurate label...pshh, we don't run! Just out of curiosity...does anyone know how much chubby chaser fetish porn might pay? Because I have a financial goal to worry about too. :-p
So what is it that I'm reading on my Education goal list? First off, I'm ready The Money book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke by Suze Orman. Love. Her.
I'm also reading The Young Entrepreneur's Edge by Jenifer Kushell. I started it when it was first given to me awhile ago and got overwhelmed. It's pretty far outside of my comfort zone.
So I will get up tomorrow and try once again to get my whole list done and somehow still have time to eat and pee. Wish me luck! And good luck to all of you on your endeavors. Later, kids!
I know that, in regards to all of the things I am trying to change in my life, I should not expect to do everything perfectly right away. I am changing my whole LIFE, not just one habit so I should be a little bit nicer to myself. But then there is this part of me that thinks that letting myself off too easily is what got me here in the first place.
I have made some advancements. Baby steps are better than no steps. I ordered the provisions I will need for the up-coming weight loss challenge. Awesome. I can't wait to start losing weight. There is this pink cotton cami that I bought about 5 yrs ago (one of those, 'Hey, if I buy something that doesn't fit it will inspire me to lose weight" purchases). I have never worn it and I look forward to one day being able to put it on. I also have a Feel Your Boobie t-shirt that I bought at a Ladies Who Launch outing that has never been on my body, either. It was the biggest size they had but alas, I have tucked it away and will one day wear it. I will be sure to take and post a picture of it when I do! I took some 'before' pictures of myself in a bikini (yikes!) a few weeks ago but I really am not yet ready to post them. I will post them when I no longer look like that! I have a small fear that the picture will somehow end up on Chubby Chaser fetish porn. Chubby Chaser....that's such an inaccurate label...pshh, we don't run! Just out of curiosity...does anyone know how much chubby chaser fetish porn might pay? Because I have a financial goal to worry about too. :-p
So what is it that I'm reading on my Education goal list? First off, I'm ready The Money book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke by Suze Orman. Love. Her.
I'm also reading The Young Entrepreneur's Edge by Jenifer Kushell. I started it when it was first given to me awhile ago and got overwhelmed. It's pretty far outside of my comfort zone.
So I will get up tomorrow and try once again to get my whole list done and somehow still have time to eat and pee. Wish me luck! And good luck to all of you on your endeavors. Later, kids!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Day 8: What's the Plan, Stan?
Writing out an action plan for my Christmas projects inspired me to make some kind of a plan for the rest of my Quantum Leap Frog activities. I mean, I'm a week into this thing with only 15 more to go and quite frankly, not a lot has changed. From what I have read about making any kind of Leap it takes a long, sustained push to break through the barrier and then after that, BAM, you Leap, like the space shuttle leaving Earth. So...I need to create a push and sustain it until something gives, right?
(BTW, my 11 yr old son just watched me correct a fragmented sentence and exclaimed, "You little fragmetizer!" All my home school and cyber school friends will appreciate not only the significance in him recognizing what I wrote and corrected but also the humor in that!)
Once upon a time my previous boss gave me a packet on goal setting that broke the process down by 3s. Dang it if I can find it now. 3 is a great number. The Holy Trinity, 3 Stooges, 3 Wise Men, Triple Berry Smoothies...ah yes, good things come in 3. I have 3 areas I want to improve. It only makes sense that I make a list of 3 actions to perform on all 3 areas each day. They need to be 3 things that I think are vital to my success. So here we are, the breakdown:
Health
1. Hydration-Drink no less than 1 gallon of water a day.
2. Movement-Pilates 3X a week, Walking outside 3X a week
3. Centering-Meditation 30 min a day,
Wealth
1. Income-Look for new forms of income, both passive and active, for immediate use
2. Opportunity-Work on my business plan, research potential venues, research funding possibilities
3. Savings-Set aside 10% of income for savings, 10% for charity and save $$ by making gifts.
Education
1. Read-Read at least 3 chapters a day of books on my 3 areas of interest
2. Write-Write at least 3 pages about what I learned from each book each day
3. Share-Share what I learn and think and feel, my progress and failures, each day with you on my blog.
I want to write this all out in more detail in some kind of journal or chart where I can check off each area each day. Then I can easily see what I did, what is working for me, what needs dropped or added. It's a lot to do in a week let alone to fit all this in on top of cyber schooling and general life-ish stuff. But I'm juiced up and I'm ready. I want something to happen already! I have evidence that intentionally focusing my thoughts and feelings is working for the best. If nothing else I am not feeling as depressed or stressed out. It's interesting and encouraging. I look forward to seeing what it is that I am capable of!
Sara Smile
(BTW, my 11 yr old son just watched me correct a fragmented sentence and exclaimed, "You little fragmetizer!" All my home school and cyber school friends will appreciate not only the significance in him recognizing what I wrote and corrected but also the humor in that!)
Once upon a time my previous boss gave me a packet on goal setting that broke the process down by 3s. Dang it if I can find it now. 3 is a great number. The Holy Trinity, 3 Stooges, 3 Wise Men, Triple Berry Smoothies...ah yes, good things come in 3. I have 3 areas I want to improve. It only makes sense that I make a list of 3 actions to perform on all 3 areas each day. They need to be 3 things that I think are vital to my success. So here we are, the breakdown:
Health
1. Hydration-Drink no less than 1 gallon of water a day.
2. Movement-Pilates 3X a week, Walking outside 3X a week
3. Centering-Meditation 30 min a day,
Wealth
1. Income-Look for new forms of income, both passive and active, for immediate use
2. Opportunity-Work on my business plan, research potential venues, research funding possibilities
3. Savings-Set aside 10% of income for savings, 10% for charity and save $$ by making gifts.
Education
1. Read-Read at least 3 chapters a day of books on my 3 areas of interest
2. Write-Write at least 3 pages about what I learned from each book each day
3. Share-Share what I learn and think and feel, my progress and failures, each day with you on my blog.
I want to write this all out in more detail in some kind of journal or chart where I can check off each area each day. Then I can easily see what I did, what is working for me, what needs dropped or added. It's a lot to do in a week let alone to fit all this in on top of cyber schooling and general life-ish stuff. But I'm juiced up and I'm ready. I want something to happen already! I have evidence that intentionally focusing my thoughts and feelings is working for the best. If nothing else I am not feeling as depressed or stressed out. It's interesting and encouraging. I look forward to seeing what it is that I am capable of!
Sara Smile
Day 6 & 7 Recap
Day 6 found us at the PA Renaissance Faire. Awesome. (Day 6 left me so exhausted I didn't post on this blog. Day 7 was so busy I'm posting 2 entries on Day 8 to make up for it.) We were there with our kids my sister and I didn't get to do a lot of shopping. The kids wanted to do stuff and eat stuff and not sit in the sun or near bees (which were EVERYWHERE! I love nature and all but come on! We didn't see that many bees at Longwood Gardens or the Hershey Gardens). One thing that surprised me was the amount of mass produced material for sale by some of the vendors. There were hand crafted items of course but if I want to drop a wad of cash at the Faire I want something handcrafted that I can't get out of a costume catalogue. I once bought hand blown glass at the faire. It is a raspberry-stamped roamer(sp?). Glass blowers of yore stamped blobs of glass around the outsides of the vessel to provide a better grip to greasy, meaty hands. Pretty cool. I actually use it as a flower vase.
But it made me think about my own business. What direction do I want it to go so that I am distinguished from the rest. For those of you who don't know me well, I do many things but I am trying to make a go at a hand-made line of spa products, made without preservatives or dyes, using only fresh, natural ingredients and essential oils. Brown sugar body scrubs, hand & foot salt scrubs, foot bath powders, lip balm, body spray, coffee scrubs, and cocoa scrub all grace my 'menu'. I even hand make paper to wrap around the bars of soap. I use juice pouches to make purses and wallets. I want to expand the paper making to include handmade, hand bound journals. I also recycle old clothes into quilts and costumes. I have a lot of hobbies. The question is: how do I include all of those things into a well defined business that carries not only the mark of a real heritage crafter but is also professional enough to be marketable. Let's face it, hand made, artisan quality products won't carry a Wal-mart price tag.
Thinking about Artisan crafts made me think about gifts and gift baskets. That made me think about Christmas. I love Christmas and part of the fun of Christmas is watching someone open a gift you chose for them. As I was thinking about this I happened upon one of my favorite shows: Little House on the Prairie. That made me think about the Christmas episode...the first Christmas the family spent on the banks of Plum Creek. If you've never seen it get it from Netflix. It has a Gift of the Magi theme. But in the story they are all making one another gifts. Of course they did, who had the money to drop a wad of hard earned sustenance on store bought-en items back then, beside the Olsens? They were lucky not to eat rocks and twigs for breakfast. That inspired me. I am on a mission to make hand-crafted Christmas gifts for my family and friends using materials I already have on hand here in the house. Now, for me that really isn't too much of a stretch because I am not only a jack of all trades, I'm also a hoarder. That bag of soda can tabs has a very real purpose and you better NOT throw away those juice pouches. I have boxes and boxes of fabric and jeans that people have given me to sew with that I have never been able to work through in all these years. I have stacks and stacks of scrap paper and junk mail that is either a brilliant project in waiting or a serious fire hazard in waiting.
The only problem is...how do I tell YOU fine readers about it without giving away the surprise to my family (especially since it's probably ONLY my family and friends reading this!) And since no one responded to my question regarding whether or not a separate instructional blog is wanted I'm not sure what I want to do. What I will do for now is provide a link to some of the projects I am thinking of doing. I need a plan to get my act in order, to make sure I have enough time to get everything done.
My first major project is a sewing project. Tons of scrap fabric + cold whether + people turning their heat back to save money + unemployed Sara = Rag Quilts! Here's a few links for anyone who would like to research this and maybe give it a try. I made a rag quilt for my son out of some licensed flannel we got on sale at the fabric store and some old pjs and jeans that I cut into squares. Check these out:
http://quilting.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_make_a_rag_quilt
http://quilting.about.com/od/quiltpatternsprojects/ss/rag_quilt.htm
http://quilting.about.com/od/quiltpatternsprojects/ss/denim_quilts.htm
My goal is to multi-task cutting squares while watching TV at night. I figured out that cutting 30 squares a night for the next 90 days will give me more than enough squares to make half a dozen blankets or more. That will give me another few weeks to assemble and snip those squares into blanket form. What fabrics I am using and what patterns I employ will not be shown until after Christmas so that I don't spoil the surprise. That won't be enough blankets for everyone in the family so not everyone will know what they are getting! I am looking forward to it. I love sewing in the cooler months. Doing hand sewing gives me and excuse to watch an Anne of Green Gables marathon on VHS! Yeah, my life is a whirl wind.
Happy Sewing, my friends!
Sara Smile
But it made me think about my own business. What direction do I want it to go so that I am distinguished from the rest. For those of you who don't know me well, I do many things but I am trying to make a go at a hand-made line of spa products, made without preservatives or dyes, using only fresh, natural ingredients and essential oils. Brown sugar body scrubs, hand & foot salt scrubs, foot bath powders, lip balm, body spray, coffee scrubs, and cocoa scrub all grace my 'menu'. I even hand make paper to wrap around the bars of soap. I use juice pouches to make purses and wallets. I want to expand the paper making to include handmade, hand bound journals. I also recycle old clothes into quilts and costumes. I have a lot of hobbies. The question is: how do I include all of those things into a well defined business that carries not only the mark of a real heritage crafter but is also professional enough to be marketable. Let's face it, hand made, artisan quality products won't carry a Wal-mart price tag.
Thinking about Artisan crafts made me think about gifts and gift baskets. That made me think about Christmas. I love Christmas and part of the fun of Christmas is watching someone open a gift you chose for them. As I was thinking about this I happened upon one of my favorite shows: Little House on the Prairie. That made me think about the Christmas episode...the first Christmas the family spent on the banks of Plum Creek. If you've never seen it get it from Netflix. It has a Gift of the Magi theme. But in the story they are all making one another gifts. Of course they did, who had the money to drop a wad of hard earned sustenance on store bought-en items back then, beside the Olsens? They were lucky not to eat rocks and twigs for breakfast. That inspired me. I am on a mission to make hand-crafted Christmas gifts for my family and friends using materials I already have on hand here in the house. Now, for me that really isn't too much of a stretch because I am not only a jack of all trades, I'm also a hoarder. That bag of soda can tabs has a very real purpose and you better NOT throw away those juice pouches. I have boxes and boxes of fabric and jeans that people have given me to sew with that I have never been able to work through in all these years. I have stacks and stacks of scrap paper and junk mail that is either a brilliant project in waiting or a serious fire hazard in waiting.
The only problem is...how do I tell YOU fine readers about it without giving away the surprise to my family (especially since it's probably ONLY my family and friends reading this!) And since no one responded to my question regarding whether or not a separate instructional blog is wanted I'm not sure what I want to do. What I will do for now is provide a link to some of the projects I am thinking of doing. I need a plan to get my act in order, to make sure I have enough time to get everything done.
My first major project is a sewing project. Tons of scrap fabric + cold whether + people turning their heat back to save money + unemployed Sara = Rag Quilts! Here's a few links for anyone who would like to research this and maybe give it a try. I made a rag quilt for my son out of some licensed flannel we got on sale at the fabric store and some old pjs and jeans that I cut into squares. Check these out:
http://quilting.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_make_a_rag_quilt
http://quilting.about.com/od/quiltpatternsprojects/ss/rag_quilt.htm
http://quilting.about.com/od/quiltpatternsprojects/ss/denim_quilts.htm
My goal is to multi-task cutting squares while watching TV at night. I figured out that cutting 30 squares a night for the next 90 days will give me more than enough squares to make half a dozen blankets or more. That will give me another few weeks to assemble and snip those squares into blanket form. What fabrics I am using and what patterns I employ will not be shown until after Christmas so that I don't spoil the surprise. That won't be enough blankets for everyone in the family so not everyone will know what they are getting! I am looking forward to it. I love sewing in the cooler months. Doing hand sewing gives me and excuse to watch an Anne of Green Gables marathon on VHS! Yeah, my life is a whirl wind.
Happy Sewing, my friends!
Sara Smile
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Day 5: Sizing Up the Situation
This post is gonna be short and sweet. The best place to start is right where you are, where ever that may be. In order to find what you need to take the first step on that journey of 1,000 miles, we must simple look around ourselves. We are never left with nothing to work with, it is the ideals of what we think we need that hold us back.
It's safe to say that if you are still trying to accomplish a goal that you may have thought about, maybe even attempted, many times before, what ever it is that you believe in put something into your life or your path that would put you on your way. Maybe you missed it or just forgot that you had it. Maybe it's something you never considered a stepping stone. But it's there. It really is.
There is a book on quantum physics I wanted to buy off Amazon however I didn't want to spend cash on it. I thought, "Maybe I can get it from someone else." I was reading a post by a fellow Blogger and her sidebar contained an ad for a paperback book swap....a FREE paperback book swap. Turns out you can do to this site, register 10 paperback you would like to get rid of and then swap them for one on the database you do want. The book I wanted is listed on the database. Yahoo!
http://www.paperbackbookswap.com/
If you are having trouble thinking outside of the box, I suggest you go and find a small child who is old enough to talk but young enough to still think adults are cool to talk to and ask them. And after they've helped you, reward them with a cardboard box to play in.
Sara Smile
It's safe to say that if you are still trying to accomplish a goal that you may have thought about, maybe even attempted, many times before, what ever it is that you believe in put something into your life or your path that would put you on your way. Maybe you missed it or just forgot that you had it. Maybe it's something you never considered a stepping stone. But it's there. It really is.
There is a book on quantum physics I wanted to buy off Amazon however I didn't want to spend cash on it. I thought, "Maybe I can get it from someone else." I was reading a post by a fellow Blogger and her sidebar contained an ad for a paperback book swap....a FREE paperback book swap. Turns out you can do to this site, register 10 paperback you would like to get rid of and then swap them for one on the database you do want. The book I wanted is listed on the database. Yahoo!
http://www.paperbackbookswap.com/
If you are having trouble thinking outside of the box, I suggest you go and find a small child who is old enough to talk but young enough to still think adults are cool to talk to and ask them. And after they've helped you, reward them with a cardboard box to play in.
Sara Smile
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Day 4: The Road Ahead
I sat down last night to map out an action plan. I know where I want to end up. I have a vague idea how to get there. The curious thing is: are my limited knowledge and limiting beliefs going to hold me up or stop me in my tracks all together? I think I'm a smart cookie but I realize I don't know a whole heck of a lot in the grand scheme of things. So if I sit here and make out an action plan that would make a hive of bees exhausted will it really benefit me in the long run?
That point was driven home a little bit today as I watched The Stand on tv (it's a Stephen King weekend on ScyFy!). I had just finished the book on Tuesday, tried to order it on Netflix but it wasn't in stock. As luck, or synchronicity, would have it, the whole blessed thing was on today. So I watched it. And made dinner. And drank coffee. And played Spider Solitaire and thought about the best laid plans we make for our lives with a narrow self-interest in mind. How much of what we worry about really matters at the end of the day, when we invariably Stand before Judgement? Do our Earthly ideals come from our Spirits or from our Egos?
I suppose the answer to that question depends upon what you believe. Being broke as heck is such a blessing. For one, it shows you who your friends are. Second, it shows you what you really need in this world. Third, it gives you a different set of eyes through which to see the world. Through my eyes much of what we work towards and 'value', the things that target us in their ads and commercials, are vapid and shallow. I like toys and stuff but I won't work 60 hours a week to keep up with any social status symbol. I have no problem with working hard but it has to be worth it in more ways than money. And I don't give a hoot and a holler whether anyone agrees with that or not.
If anything like the Captain Trips superflu, like the one that mowed down 99% of the population in The Stand, ever were to happen how many of us would be able to survive the life afterwards? Without cars or A/C or stoves or supermarkets? I know I could (unless of course I had an appendicitis. Not so sure I could handle that on my own). And there is value in that. Stove not working. Fine, I'll dig a fire pit in the back yard, bust out my cast iron and wrangle out a batch of biscuits.
The idea is that I needed to clarify what I really want and what I am working towards. WHY am I doing what I am doing? I think the overwhelming, resonating factor is I want to be free to move through life, to be equipped to roll with the punches. I want to be out of debt because I want to be in charge of my money. What did my sister call credit cards? Ah yes, Plastic Apples. Garden of Eden reference for anyone a bit confused. I want a functioning, safe car so that I can get myself or my son to the doctor's office if I need to, to take us places where we will learn and live and experience something more than TV and video games (and Facebook, I am guilty as charged). I want to lose weight and be healthy so my mind and body function the way they were intended to function, fueled by that which Father Heaven and Mother Nature have provided for us. To experience the physical pleasures of life (get your mind out of the gutters, I'm not talking ONLY about THAT).
Honestly, at this point in time I would love to spend a week or two in some little house on some prairie, cooking in fireplace, reading and sewing, worrying only about surviving and thinking and writing. I don't think that's a very practical solution. So what to do? What to do that won't be counter productive or spinning in the mud? How do I know what's the right path and what is a Standard American Ideal?
I'm not sure. God isn't keen on dropping instructions or maps from the sky. I've asked repeatedly. That makes me think about an episode of the Simpsons. Homer didn't want to go to church with Marge anymore and he asked her, "How do we even know that we picked the right religion. Every Sunday we could be making God madder and madder." Something about it struck me as ridiculously funny and some what disturbing. I started wondering if there was something to that. How do we know what we are supposed to do? Then I had to laugh at myself. Look at me, hanging on Homer Simpson's words like he's Yoda.
I'm looking for the difference between Inspired Action and Making Myself Busy. I don't want to wait any longer to make something happen but I don't want to waste my time on ineffectual activities.
Maybe things will look clearer in the morning.
Sara Smile
That point was driven home a little bit today as I watched The Stand on tv (it's a Stephen King weekend on ScyFy!). I had just finished the book on Tuesday, tried to order it on Netflix but it wasn't in stock. As luck, or synchronicity, would have it, the whole blessed thing was on today. So I watched it. And made dinner. And drank coffee. And played Spider Solitaire and thought about the best laid plans we make for our lives with a narrow self-interest in mind. How much of what we worry about really matters at the end of the day, when we invariably Stand before Judgement? Do our Earthly ideals come from our Spirits or from our Egos?
I suppose the answer to that question depends upon what you believe. Being broke as heck is such a blessing. For one, it shows you who your friends are. Second, it shows you what you really need in this world. Third, it gives you a different set of eyes through which to see the world. Through my eyes much of what we work towards and 'value', the things that target us in their ads and commercials, are vapid and shallow. I like toys and stuff but I won't work 60 hours a week to keep up with any social status symbol. I have no problem with working hard but it has to be worth it in more ways than money. And I don't give a hoot and a holler whether anyone agrees with that or not.
If anything like the Captain Trips superflu, like the one that mowed down 99% of the population in The Stand, ever were to happen how many of us would be able to survive the life afterwards? Without cars or A/C or stoves or supermarkets? I know I could (unless of course I had an appendicitis. Not so sure I could handle that on my own). And there is value in that. Stove not working. Fine, I'll dig a fire pit in the back yard, bust out my cast iron and wrangle out a batch of biscuits.
The idea is that I needed to clarify what I really want and what I am working towards. WHY am I doing what I am doing? I think the overwhelming, resonating factor is I want to be free to move through life, to be equipped to roll with the punches. I want to be out of debt because I want to be in charge of my money. What did my sister call credit cards? Ah yes, Plastic Apples. Garden of Eden reference for anyone a bit confused. I want a functioning, safe car so that I can get myself or my son to the doctor's office if I need to, to take us places where we will learn and live and experience something more than TV and video games (and Facebook, I am guilty as charged). I want to lose weight and be healthy so my mind and body function the way they were intended to function, fueled by that which Father Heaven and Mother Nature have provided for us. To experience the physical pleasures of life (get your mind out of the gutters, I'm not talking ONLY about THAT).
Honestly, at this point in time I would love to spend a week or two in some little house on some prairie, cooking in fireplace, reading and sewing, worrying only about surviving and thinking and writing. I don't think that's a very practical solution. So what to do? What to do that won't be counter productive or spinning in the mud? How do I know what's the right path and what is a Standard American Ideal?
I'm not sure. God isn't keen on dropping instructions or maps from the sky. I've asked repeatedly. That makes me think about an episode of the Simpsons. Homer didn't want to go to church with Marge anymore and he asked her, "How do we even know that we picked the right religion. Every Sunday we could be making God madder and madder." Something about it struck me as ridiculously funny and some what disturbing. I started wondering if there was something to that. How do we know what we are supposed to do? Then I had to laugh at myself. Look at me, hanging on Homer Simpson's words like he's Yoda.
I'm looking for the difference between Inspired Action and Making Myself Busy. I don't want to wait any longer to make something happen but I don't want to waste my time on ineffectual activities.
Maybe things will look clearer in the morning.
Sara Smile
Friday, September 3, 2010
Day 3: Get Your Head Right
If Laura Ingalls and Martha Stewart could somehow have a bastard love child, that love child would be me.
What did I accomplish today? Grape jam and peach butter. And some splatter burns from the goo boiling down. Note to Self: Next time we make preserves invest in asbestos gloves and ask for hazard pay. Getting splatted with hot jam is no fun. It was like having delicious, purple lava erupting out of a stock pot volcano!
Joking aside I really like to can foods, especially food that I grew. The concord grapes were from my vine. My sister picked up peaches from a roadside stand. Last year I made salsa and spaghetti sauce. I've also made pickles and canned tomatoes and peaches in the past. My ultimate, long term goal in life is to have a piece of property, a farmette perhaps, with a big garden, fruit trees, different kinds of grape vines, chickens, maybe some sugar maples and grow and put up food for winter. Sell some if it for a little extra income, as well. It's a lot of work but worth it. I know what I'm eating, I know what was NOT sprayed on it. And we could have harvest parties! Ohhh, that would be fun....spend the day canning and preserving and baking and then BBQ in the evening with family and friends. Sounds like a good time to me but then again it's already been established that I was born in the wrong century.
Since I started this 120 day task 3 whopping days ago I have tried to redefine my idea of Abundance. Abundance isn't necessarily financial. Money is just a tangible form of the energy we use to attract situations and things into our lives. I am trying to keep a deliberate reign on how I think about situations. I am reading an interesting book (rereading, actually) called The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Today, before I sat down to write this post, I read a statement that said the following:
"Some are beginning to acknowledge: You get what you think about. But we would like to clarify this statement further by saying: You get what you feel about what you think about." (p. 28)
I can now step away enough to see that I have operated under a negative mindset that sounds something like, "Oh my God, I don't have enough. I need more money. I can't spend anything because I don't know if I can get more in time. I can't afford that." It's horribly depressing. It's a genetic-environmental trait, it's what I've heard my whole life and what I have experienced. Did I develop a reinforced ideal about lack and poverty by circumstance or did the negativity of the potential circumstance reeling through the mind in some way create the series of negative experiences? If there are a whole household of pissy, depressed, broke-a$$ people all thinking the same funky thoughts, what chance does hope have to shine and grow? Even if you don't personally subscribe to the Law of Attraction we could all agree, at the very least, that if people are fully entrenched in that mindset they will not be able to see or be willing to acknowledge that it's probably not as bad as they think it is. When you are busy being mad, you miss a lot of the good. Or the good that comes doesn't seem good enough.
So I'm trying to focus my thoughts on feeling good about what I have and excited about what is to come, even though I have no idea what may be coming. And it works! ::GASP!!:: Yesterday my sister called me to say that a friend of ours wouldn't be able to use her 3 sons' Renaissance Faire tickets they earned from the Summer Reading Program. So she gave them to my sister so we could take OUR kids to the Faire on Monday. As if that wasn't awesome enough, this friend also said she saw a BOGO coupon for adult tickets. I searched online for it, I posted on FB about it, I even went to the Turkey Hills in town to ask if they still had RenFaire coupons. No luck. I thought, "Oh well, it's still cool we can get the kids in free. Maybe a coupon will turn up." Sis called me back again tonight after we had spent the day canning together to tell me, hold onto your butts, she already had the BOGO coupon in her desk. She picked it up at a Hess station months ago and forgot about it until she got home. We are taking 5 people into the RenFaire for the price of 1 person. Put that checkbook away, there's more! My dad got a chunk o'change he'd been waiting on and said he's giving us some money to spend while we're there. I'm so freakin excited I can't even begin to tell you. I love love love the Ren Faire. Yeah, I'm a geek like that. I always feel more alive and alert after I've been to a place like that. It's art and music and history and artisan crafts people and everyone is there because they want to be there which makes the energy more interesting. I would like to eventually be a vendor there, or at least for the Celtic Fling, but I need to do some fine tuning on my business and product line before that happens. I want to have a business that distinguishes itself from the other spa product makers and environmental eco-crafters. I want people to walk away from my booth inspired and excited to encounter us again. I need to go for a long walk tomorrow or Sunday and ponder that thought. I always seem to think better after about 3 miles of walking through woods and rocks and crops and trees. Once my body is fully on 'right foot left foot' autopilot my brain is free to think and wander and careen at will.
**I also want to get a stand at the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farms in York this Spring, so everyone, please put your collective 'good vibes' into that for me. Thanks!
And to top it all off, my latest DVDs from Netflix arrived today and it included a special anniversary edition of The Vicar of Dibly, my favorite Britcom of all time, and they are episodes I've never seen before. Awesome.
I am also thinking (yes already) about Christmas. I mention it because it falls in line with the way I personally think about Abundance and gifting. I don't have to give anyone anything. I don't expect them to give me anything. We generally get toys for the kids and bring a covered dish and just enjoy a reason to sit down and eat (which is a whole other post or 2 in and of itself). But this year, since I'm throwing down and making the Quantum Leap, I might as well do it up right. I want to figure out a way to make/acquire heartfelt gifts for family and friends without spending a small fortune. Not because I have to but because I want to and, quite frankly, I have the time on my hands for it!
Question is...do you guys care? Shall I blog my projects and instructions? I don't know if I can attach pages to this blog or if I have to start a whole other blog but if everyone is interested I can ask a friend....LEIGH ANNNNNN!!! HEEEELLLPPP!! lol
Sara Smile
What did I accomplish today? Grape jam and peach butter. And some splatter burns from the goo boiling down. Note to Self: Next time we make preserves invest in asbestos gloves and ask for hazard pay. Getting splatted with hot jam is no fun. It was like having delicious, purple lava erupting out of a stock pot volcano!
Joking aside I really like to can foods, especially food that I grew. The concord grapes were from my vine. My sister picked up peaches from a roadside stand. Last year I made salsa and spaghetti sauce. I've also made pickles and canned tomatoes and peaches in the past. My ultimate, long term goal in life is to have a piece of property, a farmette perhaps, with a big garden, fruit trees, different kinds of grape vines, chickens, maybe some sugar maples and grow and put up food for winter. Sell some if it for a little extra income, as well. It's a lot of work but worth it. I know what I'm eating, I know what was NOT sprayed on it. And we could have harvest parties! Ohhh, that would be fun....spend the day canning and preserving and baking and then BBQ in the evening with family and friends. Sounds like a good time to me but then again it's already been established that I was born in the wrong century.
Since I started this 120 day task 3 whopping days ago I have tried to redefine my idea of Abundance. Abundance isn't necessarily financial. Money is just a tangible form of the energy we use to attract situations and things into our lives. I am trying to keep a deliberate reign on how I think about situations. I am reading an interesting book (rereading, actually) called The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Today, before I sat down to write this post, I read a statement that said the following:
"Some are beginning to acknowledge: You get what you think about. But we would like to clarify this statement further by saying: You get what you feel about what you think about." (p. 28)
I can now step away enough to see that I have operated under a negative mindset that sounds something like, "Oh my God, I don't have enough. I need more money. I can't spend anything because I don't know if I can get more in time. I can't afford that." It's horribly depressing. It's a genetic-environmental trait, it's what I've heard my whole life and what I have experienced. Did I develop a reinforced ideal about lack and poverty by circumstance or did the negativity of the potential circumstance reeling through the mind in some way create the series of negative experiences? If there are a whole household of pissy, depressed, broke-a$$ people all thinking the same funky thoughts, what chance does hope have to shine and grow? Even if you don't personally subscribe to the Law of Attraction we could all agree, at the very least, that if people are fully entrenched in that mindset they will not be able to see or be willing to acknowledge that it's probably not as bad as they think it is. When you are busy being mad, you miss a lot of the good. Or the good that comes doesn't seem good enough.
So I'm trying to focus my thoughts on feeling good about what I have and excited about what is to come, even though I have no idea what may be coming. And it works! ::GASP!!:: Yesterday my sister called me to say that a friend of ours wouldn't be able to use her 3 sons' Renaissance Faire tickets they earned from the Summer Reading Program. So she gave them to my sister so we could take OUR kids to the Faire on Monday. As if that wasn't awesome enough, this friend also said she saw a BOGO coupon for adult tickets. I searched online for it, I posted on FB about it, I even went to the Turkey Hills in town to ask if they still had RenFaire coupons. No luck. I thought, "Oh well, it's still cool we can get the kids in free. Maybe a coupon will turn up." Sis called me back again tonight after we had spent the day canning together to tell me, hold onto your butts, she already had the BOGO coupon in her desk. She picked it up at a Hess station months ago and forgot about it until she got home. We are taking 5 people into the RenFaire for the price of 1 person. Put that checkbook away, there's more! My dad got a chunk o'change he'd been waiting on and said he's giving us some money to spend while we're there. I'm so freakin excited I can't even begin to tell you. I love love love the Ren Faire. Yeah, I'm a geek like that. I always feel more alive and alert after I've been to a place like that. It's art and music and history and artisan crafts people and everyone is there because they want to be there which makes the energy more interesting. I would like to eventually be a vendor there, or at least for the Celtic Fling, but I need to do some fine tuning on my business and product line before that happens. I want to have a business that distinguishes itself from the other spa product makers and environmental eco-crafters. I want people to walk away from my booth inspired and excited to encounter us again. I need to go for a long walk tomorrow or Sunday and ponder that thought. I always seem to think better after about 3 miles of walking through woods and rocks and crops and trees. Once my body is fully on 'right foot left foot' autopilot my brain is free to think and wander and careen at will.
**I also want to get a stand at the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farms in York this Spring, so everyone, please put your collective 'good vibes' into that for me. Thanks!
And to top it all off, my latest DVDs from Netflix arrived today and it included a special anniversary edition of The Vicar of Dibly, my favorite Britcom of all time, and they are episodes I've never seen before. Awesome.
I am also thinking (yes already) about Christmas. I mention it because it falls in line with the way I personally think about Abundance and gifting. I don't have to give anyone anything. I don't expect them to give me anything. We generally get toys for the kids and bring a covered dish and just enjoy a reason to sit down and eat (which is a whole other post or 2 in and of itself). But this year, since I'm throwing down and making the Quantum Leap, I might as well do it up right. I want to figure out a way to make/acquire heartfelt gifts for family and friends without spending a small fortune. Not because I have to but because I want to and, quite frankly, I have the time on my hands for it!
Question is...do you guys care? Shall I blog my projects and instructions? I don't know if I can attach pages to this blog or if I have to start a whole other blog but if everyone is interested I can ask a friend....LEIGH ANNNNNN!!! HEEEELLLPPP!! lol
Sara Smile
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Day 2: You Are Here
Yesterday I talked about the Big Idea. That's me, the Big Idea Girl. I got idealism and opinions coming out my ying yang but the push behind them seems to be lacking. Is there a 12 Step program for just being a screwy person in general?
ME: "Hello. My name is Sara. And I'm a human being."
crowd: "Hiiiiii Saaaraaa."
I've been kicking around what I want to write about today. Part of me wants to be jokey jokey and part of me wants to sob like a Biggest Loser contestant being screamed at by Jillian. I don't know how much rehashing is productive and how much is just propping myself up on emotional crutches. All that I know for sure is that this, this moment, this time, this chair, this body is where I am right now. Nothing will change any of that except the next moment to come. And it will only change if I use that moment to come wisely.
So let's size up the situation, shall we? I talked about making Quantum Leaps in 3 main areas of my life.
Health
Wealth
Education
HEALTH: I am 5'4" and hovering somewhere in the 220lb range as far as I know. I've been using Frank's Hot Wing sauce like it's a whole other food group. Consequently, I'm retaining enough water to hydrate a small 3rd World village. It is, technically, morbidly obese according to those blasted charts and graphs that hold our self-esteem in their little, gridded mitts. It's not even my heaviest. I have been all the way up to 265 at my highest and that is just the highest that I know about. Over the past 1 1/2 to 2 yrs I've actually been fighting my way down down down in that Slow and Steady way we are all told we should embrace. Well, after struggle after struggle after injury after failure, diet after diet after book after attempt I have concluded that all this "trying" must have jacked up my insides. I'm not pulling the thyroid card although that's probably part of the issue as well. I clearly have a hormonal issue (it's not natural to have to shave your face every morning at the age of 35... at least not as a CHICK who still owns her own uterus, is it?) but what to do about it is the issue. I finally have some kind of health insurance so one of my goals is to get my happy ass into the stirrups and get a long overdue once over.
You want another little dose of honesty, with a touch of TMI? I haven't had a pap done since my son was born. I've been to the dr maybe 6 times in 10 yrs and only if I thought I needed an antibiotic for something. My son's father and I never married so I was never on his insurance. It finally took me all this time of being broke enough to qualify for Medicaid that I can finally go in to the dr and tell him to draw some blood and figure this out for me. So let me just say, to all of those whose paychecks pay into the welfare system, THANK YOU and I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart...and soon from the top of my cervix. I understand the stigma of being on welfare and food stamps and I get it. I have worked since I was 16, I put myself through college, it has only been recent years that I have been bad enough off to swallow my pride and apply for benefits. And if it weren't for the Medicaid or the food stamps I would not have enough resources to make the necessary changes in my life. When I worked I couldn't afford a dr visit or fresh fruit. Now that I'm unemployed I get it handed to me. Isn't that some shit.
But that brings me to the main topic of my health goal. Lose weight. Lose it all, lose it fast, be DONE with it. Fix it. Easier said than done? Sure. If it was easy we'd all look like Jillian and Bob. The point is, I want to throw DOWN with the weight, kick its a$$ in short order. I'm too A.D.D. for slow and steady, half pound losses. I get caught up looking at squirrels and shiny things and forget what I was doing in the first place. I lose focus, not weight. I don't want to sound like I'm putting that idea down I'm just saying it isn't for me. And I have a plan. A crazy, hair-brained scheme that is so crazy, by golly, it just might work. But I'm not gonna tell you what it is just yet.
Sorry! But there is a reason for this. You see, in addition to losing weight I also am looking for ways to increase my income without adding more hours to my day. There is this nifty little Biggest Loser weight loss group I've been going to since October 2009. It's a pay-out contest that is sponsored by Herbalife and meets in various places throughout the Susquehanna Valley. In one of the 3-month sessions I won 3rd place and brought home a chunk of cash, $120. In the last session I didn't win diddly squat, but the girl who took home 1st place won $500! I was happy for her but SICK that I hadn't gotten my meat moving enough to win a cash prize again. The next session starts on Sept 16th and I have a plan. I did a 'test run' of said plan and got pleasing results. I don't want to share it just yet because 1) I don't know how practical the long term is so I kinda wanna just lock it down and work it out for now and 2) I don't want anyone else at the challenge to start doing it and kicking my butt! LOL So, for those of you who had privilage to the crazy scheme, PLEASE do me a favor and keep it on the down low....strictly hushity hush. I will post results and then later will spell it all out.
WEALTH: I am one broke a$$ b****. I admit it. Over the past 2 years I have been laid off from 3 jobs, with gaps of unemployment between each. My most recent job 'laid me off' due to financial issues and I will leave it at that. I am very unhappy about it because I liked that job, I like the people and was very disappointed by how it all went down. I still recieve weekly child support but it doesn't go very far, not far enough to support or even feed us, hence the walk o' shame to the welfare office. I have a brilliant line of spa product and fantastic ideas for a business line but working capital has been an issue from day 1. That, and I don't have a damn clue what I'm doing. Like I said, I'm the Big Idea Girl, not the Accounting Girl. I have been leaning heavily on the services of SCORE of Lancaster to get myself to the next step. I know how to make a great product but I don't know how to sell a business.
And quite frankly, I am fed the hell up with being on someone else's payroll. I appreciate other people's money but I have this crazy notion that my income needs to mold around the way I chose to live my life, not straddle my life around my income. Plus, I can't deal with this idea that someone else has the power to pull me into the office and yank my financial security out from under me with little to no warning. This economy makes everything tricky so I've come to realize that there is no basket around that is safe enough to put my eggs in. I want my income to support my job as a mom, to fund my interests and our education, not put the brakes on fun or opportunities because of scheduling conflicts or wage caps. What I want is to make a living in a way that still allows me to be a mother to my son. When we did the paycheck/daycare thing I felt like I was the one babysitting my son until the daycare or school opened up in the morning and I hated that. I hated not knowing what he did that day or if someone picked on him or WHY he got in trouble. There are a slew of gut wrenching, emotional reasons for my feelings and I will go into them as necessary. I guess it's because I've never had a job I loved so much I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I've had jobs that I liked a lot and didn't want to get fired from but ultimately when life dictated that something change, it was usually the job that changed first. Again, easier said than done but that's part of the challenge, isn't it?
EDUCATION: When I was laid off from the post office plant almost 2 years ago I decided to take the opportunity to pull my son (all boy and probably clincally ADHD but I've never had him screened) out of school and homeschool him. Crazy? Absolutely. A single mom with only unemployment checks and a little bit of child support thinking somehow this would all work? Yeah, I totally bit off more than I could chew with that one. I withdrew him from school literally at the last minute, psyched myself up and then, the first week we started homeschooling, had a MASSIVE panic attack. What the hell was I thinking!?!
Oh yes, I remember what I was thinking. I had a funny, little guy who HATED school so much that his self-worth and health were suffering. He missed a whole month of school straight because he couldn't get rid of a nasty case of strep throat. He had an allergic reaction to his meds, got a whole new strain of strep and when he finally did recover and went back to school he told me on the way home, "I hate school, I wish I was still sick." That broke my heart. I remember a time in 2nd grade when I intentionally rubbed poinson ivy all over myself so I wouldn't have to go to school on Monday. I remember how that felt. I started trying to figure out what to do next. For very personal reasons I made ADHD medication a dead last resort. I would do anything else in my power to give him the chance to learn without hating it (and boy did he hate it! It took me 6 months to get him to check books out of the library with me!). I had no idea how I was going to manage it but I jumped. I live with my father so, obviously, that helped a lot but we've all struggle financially the past few years. Returning him to a public school just doesn't FEEL right so this year, to take some of the pressure off of myself, we switched to cyber school. So far so good. But I still need to solve the problem of scaring up some cash to get a handle on things. I've worked part time (until I was let go recently) and did a little bit of my business here and there, but I'm thinking that there is some brillinatly simple way for me to have everything that I want to have, I just haven't come across the right information yet. I don't rule out the idea of a paycheck as a means to an end but in the long run, I want control and I want to be able to provide my son with all the opportunities he should have regardless of the fact he has half as many parents as other kids.
I will be the first to tell you I am very much behind the 8 ball on the money front. No paycheck, no job prospects (a temp agency wouldn't even call me for an interview), no running vehicle (it's been on the carport all sad and asleep almost a year), no credit cards, my credit score is in the low 500s, student loans on hardship forebearance gathering unpaid interest, it's enough to make me physically ill if I think about it too long....so I don't and therein lies the problem. I pushed it aside thinking it will get taken care of eventually and now I need to pull it all out, look at it and figure out what to do about it. And yet I refuse to compromise my ideals of working for myself. I am a stubborn mamma bear.
I think it can work. I think there is a way that I can help more single moms take control of their lives and finances and be more available to their kids and STILL live their OWN dreams. I can feel the answer hanging in the air, just outside my peripheral vision. It's there but I can't quite see it yet.
So I'm gonna end this post here. The clock has pooper over from day 2 to day 3 and my fingers ache. We have cyber school and some grape jam and peach butter to make tomorrow. I grew the grapes in the back yard and I swear one of these times I will finally go ahead with my plan to make my own wine. But not in this house. I will wait until I move out for that. Hopefully that will be in the next 120 days or so! :-D
Sara Smile
ME: "Hello. My name is Sara. And I'm a human being."
crowd: "Hiiiiii Saaaraaa."
I've been kicking around what I want to write about today. Part of me wants to be jokey jokey and part of me wants to sob like a Biggest Loser contestant being screamed at by Jillian. I don't know how much rehashing is productive and how much is just propping myself up on emotional crutches. All that I know for sure is that this, this moment, this time, this chair, this body is where I am right now. Nothing will change any of that except the next moment to come. And it will only change if I use that moment to come wisely.
So let's size up the situation, shall we? I talked about making Quantum Leaps in 3 main areas of my life.
Health
Wealth
Education
HEALTH: I am 5'4" and hovering somewhere in the 220lb range as far as I know. I've been using Frank's Hot Wing sauce like it's a whole other food group. Consequently, I'm retaining enough water to hydrate a small 3rd World village. It is, technically, morbidly obese according to those blasted charts and graphs that hold our self-esteem in their little, gridded mitts. It's not even my heaviest. I have been all the way up to 265 at my highest and that is just the highest that I know about. Over the past 1 1/2 to 2 yrs I've actually been fighting my way down down down in that Slow and Steady way we are all told we should embrace. Well, after struggle after struggle after injury after failure, diet after diet after book after attempt I have concluded that all this "trying" must have jacked up my insides. I'm not pulling the thyroid card although that's probably part of the issue as well. I clearly have a hormonal issue (it's not natural to have to shave your face every morning at the age of 35... at least not as a CHICK who still owns her own uterus, is it?) but what to do about it is the issue. I finally have some kind of health insurance so one of my goals is to get my happy ass into the stirrups and get a long overdue once over.
You want another little dose of honesty, with a touch of TMI? I haven't had a pap done since my son was born. I've been to the dr maybe 6 times in 10 yrs and only if I thought I needed an antibiotic for something. My son's father and I never married so I was never on his insurance. It finally took me all this time of being broke enough to qualify for Medicaid that I can finally go in to the dr and tell him to draw some blood and figure this out for me. So let me just say, to all of those whose paychecks pay into the welfare system, THANK YOU and I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart...and soon from the top of my cervix. I understand the stigma of being on welfare and food stamps and I get it. I have worked since I was 16, I put myself through college, it has only been recent years that I have been bad enough off to swallow my pride and apply for benefits. And if it weren't for the Medicaid or the food stamps I would not have enough resources to make the necessary changes in my life. When I worked I couldn't afford a dr visit or fresh fruit. Now that I'm unemployed I get it handed to me. Isn't that some shit.
But that brings me to the main topic of my health goal. Lose weight. Lose it all, lose it fast, be DONE with it. Fix it. Easier said than done? Sure. If it was easy we'd all look like Jillian and Bob. The point is, I want to throw DOWN with the weight, kick its a$$ in short order. I'm too A.D.D. for slow and steady, half pound losses. I get caught up looking at squirrels and shiny things and forget what I was doing in the first place. I lose focus, not weight. I don't want to sound like I'm putting that idea down I'm just saying it isn't for me. And I have a plan. A crazy, hair-brained scheme that is so crazy, by golly, it just might work. But I'm not gonna tell you what it is just yet.
Sorry! But there is a reason for this. You see, in addition to losing weight I also am looking for ways to increase my income without adding more hours to my day. There is this nifty little Biggest Loser weight loss group I've been going to since October 2009. It's a pay-out contest that is sponsored by Herbalife and meets in various places throughout the Susquehanna Valley. In one of the 3-month sessions I won 3rd place and brought home a chunk of cash, $120. In the last session I didn't win diddly squat, but the girl who took home 1st place won $500! I was happy for her but SICK that I hadn't gotten my meat moving enough to win a cash prize again. The next session starts on Sept 16th and I have a plan. I did a 'test run' of said plan and got pleasing results. I don't want to share it just yet because 1) I don't know how practical the long term is so I kinda wanna just lock it down and work it out for now and 2) I don't want anyone else at the challenge to start doing it and kicking my butt! LOL So, for those of you who had privilage to the crazy scheme, PLEASE do me a favor and keep it on the down low....strictly hushity hush. I will post results and then later will spell it all out.
WEALTH: I am one broke a$$ b****. I admit it. Over the past 2 years I have been laid off from 3 jobs, with gaps of unemployment between each. My most recent job 'laid me off' due to financial issues and I will leave it at that. I am very unhappy about it because I liked that job, I like the people and was very disappointed by how it all went down. I still recieve weekly child support but it doesn't go very far, not far enough to support or even feed us, hence the walk o' shame to the welfare office. I have a brilliant line of spa product and fantastic ideas for a business line but working capital has been an issue from day 1. That, and I don't have a damn clue what I'm doing. Like I said, I'm the Big Idea Girl, not the Accounting Girl. I have been leaning heavily on the services of SCORE of Lancaster to get myself to the next step. I know how to make a great product but I don't know how to sell a business.
And quite frankly, I am fed the hell up with being on someone else's payroll. I appreciate other people's money but I have this crazy notion that my income needs to mold around the way I chose to live my life, not straddle my life around my income. Plus, I can't deal with this idea that someone else has the power to pull me into the office and yank my financial security out from under me with little to no warning. This economy makes everything tricky so I've come to realize that there is no basket around that is safe enough to put my eggs in. I want my income to support my job as a mom, to fund my interests and our education, not put the brakes on fun or opportunities because of scheduling conflicts or wage caps. What I want is to make a living in a way that still allows me to be a mother to my son. When we did the paycheck/daycare thing I felt like I was the one babysitting my son until the daycare or school opened up in the morning and I hated that. I hated not knowing what he did that day or if someone picked on him or WHY he got in trouble. There are a slew of gut wrenching, emotional reasons for my feelings and I will go into them as necessary. I guess it's because I've never had a job I loved so much I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I've had jobs that I liked a lot and didn't want to get fired from but ultimately when life dictated that something change, it was usually the job that changed first. Again, easier said than done but that's part of the challenge, isn't it?
EDUCATION: When I was laid off from the post office plant almost 2 years ago I decided to take the opportunity to pull my son (all boy and probably clincally ADHD but I've never had him screened) out of school and homeschool him. Crazy? Absolutely. A single mom with only unemployment checks and a little bit of child support thinking somehow this would all work? Yeah, I totally bit off more than I could chew with that one. I withdrew him from school literally at the last minute, psyched myself up and then, the first week we started homeschooling, had a MASSIVE panic attack. What the hell was I thinking!?!
Oh yes, I remember what I was thinking. I had a funny, little guy who HATED school so much that his self-worth and health were suffering. He missed a whole month of school straight because he couldn't get rid of a nasty case of strep throat. He had an allergic reaction to his meds, got a whole new strain of strep and when he finally did recover and went back to school he told me on the way home, "I hate school, I wish I was still sick." That broke my heart. I remember a time in 2nd grade when I intentionally rubbed poinson ivy all over myself so I wouldn't have to go to school on Monday. I remember how that felt. I started trying to figure out what to do next. For very personal reasons I made ADHD medication a dead last resort. I would do anything else in my power to give him the chance to learn without hating it (and boy did he hate it! It took me 6 months to get him to check books out of the library with me!). I had no idea how I was going to manage it but I jumped. I live with my father so, obviously, that helped a lot but we've all struggle financially the past few years. Returning him to a public school just doesn't FEEL right so this year, to take some of the pressure off of myself, we switched to cyber school. So far so good. But I still need to solve the problem of scaring up some cash to get a handle on things. I've worked part time (until I was let go recently) and did a little bit of my business here and there, but I'm thinking that there is some brillinatly simple way for me to have everything that I want to have, I just haven't come across the right information yet. I don't rule out the idea of a paycheck as a means to an end but in the long run, I want control and I want to be able to provide my son with all the opportunities he should have regardless of the fact he has half as many parents as other kids.
I will be the first to tell you I am very much behind the 8 ball on the money front. No paycheck, no job prospects (a temp agency wouldn't even call me for an interview), no running vehicle (it's been on the carport all sad and asleep almost a year), no credit cards, my credit score is in the low 500s, student loans on hardship forebearance gathering unpaid interest, it's enough to make me physically ill if I think about it too long....so I don't and therein lies the problem. I pushed it aside thinking it will get taken care of eventually and now I need to pull it all out, look at it and figure out what to do about it. And yet I refuse to compromise my ideals of working for myself. I am a stubborn mamma bear.
I think it can work. I think there is a way that I can help more single moms take control of their lives and finances and be more available to their kids and STILL live their OWN dreams. I can feel the answer hanging in the air, just outside my peripheral vision. It's there but I can't quite see it yet.
So I'm gonna end this post here. The clock has pooper over from day 2 to day 3 and my fingers ache. We have cyber school and some grape jam and peach butter to make tomorrow. I grew the grapes in the back yard and I swear one of these times I will finally go ahead with my plan to make my own wine. But not in this house. I will wait until I move out for that. Hopefully that will be in the next 120 days or so! :-D
Sara Smile
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
September 1st, 2010: Day 1
Day 1:
Writing is like breathing for me. It seems to be part of the involuntary function of my brain and body the way breathing and heart rate just kinda...happens. If I don't use it, acknowledge it, take care of it, it is the mental and spiritual equivalent of holding my breath. My mind is always scripting and paragraphing so I figured I might as well start writing it down somewhere. Even if not a single other person on Earth or Internet ever reads it, it doesn't matter. I need to breath. Having said that let me warn you...it isn't always GOOD writing! No one writes well all the time. Even the best writers on Earth have a drawer full of crap sitting somewhere. But without the manure you won't get flowers. So there you go.
I have another reason for starting this blog up. I want to know something. How much can a person change their life in 120 days? Lose weight, gain income, move out, fall in love, write a book, get out of debt...how much can a person REALLY do in 120 days? 4 months. 16 short weeks. I don't know. I don't know what other people can do in 120 days, probably a lot comparatively speaking. I doubt what I can do in 120 days simply because I have been floating in a stagnant puddle of worry and doubt for many, many years. Every year I swear I will be in my own home and a size 6 with a pair of those awesome knee-high heeled boots (that I always wanted but could never zipper over my calves) on my feet by Christmas. Christmas is approximately 126 days away. I wonder...
I like to THINK I am Wonder Woman. That's what I look like inside my own head. Sara, Amazon Princess, with her own line of reasonably priced corsets and bullet proof bling available at fine retailers near you. But when I look at myself on paper something doesn't add up. Well, I was never very good at math.
When I take stock of where I am financially, physically, mentally and all that jazz I am surprised. I think a lot of it has to do with lack of confindence and lack of focus. Mayhaps a dallop of lack-o-faith. I'm think now, though, with my 36th year waiting for me in December, I am pretty much over it. I am over this life, this doubt, this weight, this debt, this negativity that I have been afraid of kicking in the balls for so very long. I want it gone and I want it gone NOW. But is that possible? Depends what you believe, I guess. Slow and steady wins the race? Maybe. Tortoises seem to like the idea. Rascally, over confindent rabbits probably don't. I'm guessing. I've never asked them.
But what about the Quantum Leap? Not the show from the 80s. If space shuttles can do it, why can't I? Although space shuttles do have that whole brilliant-engineers-working-around-the-clock-thing going for them, don't they? At this point I'd be lucky to get a half wit with a driver's license to look under my hood...but I digress. What can a person achieve, with constant intention, in a short 120 days? Let's make it a game. A game of Quantum Leap Frog!
So here are my 3 objectives: Health. Wealth. Education. Those are the 3 areas I want to accomplish some kind of leap in. Tomorrow, Day 2, we'll get into the specifics. I will bare my naked (figuratively, this is a family blog) soul to you. All 2 of you who will end up reading this after I post the link on Facebook.
Writing is like breathing for me. It seems to be part of the involuntary function of my brain and body the way breathing and heart rate just kinda...happens. If I don't use it, acknowledge it, take care of it, it is the mental and spiritual equivalent of holding my breath. My mind is always scripting and paragraphing so I figured I might as well start writing it down somewhere. Even if not a single other person on Earth or Internet ever reads it, it doesn't matter. I need to breath. Having said that let me warn you...it isn't always GOOD writing! No one writes well all the time. Even the best writers on Earth have a drawer full of crap sitting somewhere. But without the manure you won't get flowers. So there you go.
I have another reason for starting this blog up. I want to know something. How much can a person change their life in 120 days? Lose weight, gain income, move out, fall in love, write a book, get out of debt...how much can a person REALLY do in 120 days? 4 months. 16 short weeks. I don't know. I don't know what other people can do in 120 days, probably a lot comparatively speaking. I doubt what I can do in 120 days simply because I have been floating in a stagnant puddle of worry and doubt for many, many years. Every year I swear I will be in my own home and a size 6 with a pair of those awesome knee-high heeled boots (that I always wanted but could never zipper over my calves) on my feet by Christmas. Christmas is approximately 126 days away. I wonder...
I like to THINK I am Wonder Woman. That's what I look like inside my own head. Sara, Amazon Princess, with her own line of reasonably priced corsets and bullet proof bling available at fine retailers near you. But when I look at myself on paper something doesn't add up. Well, I was never very good at math.
When I take stock of where I am financially, physically, mentally and all that jazz I am surprised. I think a lot of it has to do with lack of confindence and lack of focus. Mayhaps a dallop of lack-o-faith. I'm think now, though, with my 36th year waiting for me in December, I am pretty much over it. I am over this life, this doubt, this weight, this debt, this negativity that I have been afraid of kicking in the balls for so very long. I want it gone and I want it gone NOW. But is that possible? Depends what you believe, I guess. Slow and steady wins the race? Maybe. Tortoises seem to like the idea. Rascally, over confindent rabbits probably don't. I'm guessing. I've never asked them.
But what about the Quantum Leap? Not the show from the 80s. If space shuttles can do it, why can't I? Although space shuttles do have that whole brilliant-engineers-working-around-the-clock-thing going for them, don't they? At this point I'd be lucky to get a half wit with a driver's license to look under my hood...but I digress. What can a person achieve, with constant intention, in a short 120 days? Let's make it a game. A game of Quantum Leap Frog!
So here are my 3 objectives: Health. Wealth. Education. Those are the 3 areas I want to accomplish some kind of leap in. Tomorrow, Day 2, we'll get into the specifics. I will bare my naked (figuratively, this is a family blog) soul to you. All 2 of you who will end up reading this after I post the link on Facebook.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)