I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ~Bill Cosby
Try again. Fail again. Fail better. ~Samuel Beckett
With a lot of research and a lot of personal honesty I had to admit that I've done some seriously dumb stuff to my body in the name of weight loss. I've messed up my metabolism pretty badly and the only way to get weight off now is to build muscle, eat real food and be patient while my body heals and rebalances. Patience is a virtue I am still working on. I want what I want and I want it now and as a single mom I don't feel like I have a lot of time and money to burn. Maybe that's just the "American" in me.
This time around it's different though. I realized that in all of my other weight loss attempts, every diet, every gym membership, every DVD I bought was done with the same goal...to become someone else...to become someone that I liked better than who I am and then everyone else would like me better too. Right?? Umm, no, unfortunately I had to learn...no, FEEL, what I already knew: Being anything other than the person you were put here to be will only end in frustration and confusion. Sara at 250 lbs and Sara at 140 lbs have one common denominator....Sara. And if I don't like me nothing else in the world will change much no matter where I go, who I'm with or what I weigh.
Thus we have the first challenge in any attempt to do any kind of personal growth. Before a single bite is taken or a weight lifted I needed to learn how to come back to center and be comfortable there. Just me. I started doing that, unbeknownst to me, when I started studying and taking reiki classes. You invariably come back to who you are because that is where the magic lives. As that happened I started to see dynamics in relationships I no longer enjoyed, things I used to think were funny now seem kinda mean and I put certain foods in my mouth (foods that used to be sinful cravings) and they just don't taste good anymore. I prefer the foods and sounds that come straight from nature and the peace of a book over the tv.
I pray for release everyday: release from my own negativity, release of these emotions from my body, release of the identity tied to the past. Only in releasing can we move forward, so I hear. I am far from perfect. Release has been a challenge for me. There is a big part of me that INSISTS on being recognized and identified, perhaps even justified. But I continue to try try try again. As bad as it feels to be down, the idea of staying down is even more intolerable.
I read blogs in google reader. And after reading yours, this was the next one I read and I thought it was very worth sharing. Especially the video at the end, I don't know if you've seen it before. I have and I believe it has gone around facebook, so maybe you have, too. Anyway, it is worth watching over and over.
ReplyDeletehttp://raisinghomemakers.com/2012/the-deception-of-marketing-and-media/
Something I try to instill in our kids is that God doesn't make junk. When they get down on themselves or call themselves stupid, I ask them if God made them, which they answer yes. And then I ask them if God makes stupid stuff and they answer no. I gently try to tell them that the action they did may have been a bad choice, but that does not make them a bad person.
Every day, we are faced with decisions and every day we make some good ones and some bad ones. The key is to keep trying to make the good ones and to know where our strength lies - in our Creator. Only He can forgive us of our bad choices and if He can ... then we can also forgive ourselves.
I struggle, too, Sara. I've been working out for the past 4 weeks and hit a wall this week. And I'm letting it go and not going to get mad at myself because tomorrow is a new day ... and if I don't get up early tomorrow, then I'll try Thursday.
I had read an article linked on facebook about eating whole foods and to be honest, it stresses me out to think about buying all new food, etc.
I came to the conclusion that it is all a balance. I need to focus on SomeOne greater than myself to be content with myself. I need to make this life about that Greater One and focusing on others. The more time I put my focus outward, the more He changes me on the inside and I become happy with myself - cause He made me! :)
Be encouraged, Sara!
>>blogger isn't liking me these days and won't let me post as my profile :-(