The Bucket List

I was asked tonight what is on my Bucket List.  The question threw me a bit, not exactly what I was expecting from bar conversation.  I had to stop and think.  I didn't come up with much at the time because, honestly, the last time I made a Bucket List I was in a different place in my mind.  Things have changed, priorities have shifted, some of my hopes became to big to hope for.  Not hoping for them was easier than the thought of wanting and never having.  However, since the whole idea of this blog was to be transparent and honest perhaps it is time for a new Bucket List.  I'll list a few just to start:

1.  Go to Ireland and sleep in a castle.  My maternal side is of Irish decent.  It's where I get my piss-and-vinegar spitfire nature, my love of whiskey shots and my ingrained ability to slap a smile on my face when the life around me sucks ass.  I want to see if standing on the 'Mother Land' makes me feel anything.

2.  Learn Gaelic.  I tried once, I got the language CDs from the library and burned them for future use however the nature of the language is crazy.  It just doesn't make sense to my stupid American brain.  I would like to try again.

3.  Finally and permanently remove this 100 lbs Sad Sack I have been lugging around. 

4.  Make sure Stella gets her groove back...and doesn't lose it again. (That was about sex, folks, in case you missed the reference.)

5.  Jump in the car and just start driving.  See things, stop at places, meet people. 

6.  I want to eat a real shrimp po' boy sandwich in New Orleans.

7.  Shake Stephen King's hand.

8.  Publish a book, or 3.

9.  Own a home of my own with a pool, a garden, a small greenhouse and 2 Irish wolfhounds loping across the backyard.

10.  Create a business model that specifically caters to helping single parents get on their feet emotionally and financially so women like me don't have to struggle to make ends meet and feel like they are never getting ahead.

11.  Visit Salem, Mass.  I really feel grief for the people accused of witchcraft.  That may sound silly to some considering how much strife is in the world today, how many bigger things there are to think about, but I still feel so saddened by the Salem Witch Trials.  I use oils and herbs and plants, I am opinionated, I am independent minded.  Let's face it...I would have been one of the broads hanging from a tree back then. 

12.  Become a certified personal trainer/massage therapist.

13.  Go out on a boat and see a whale swimming next to us.

14.  Compete in some kind of cooking show on TV.

15.   ???  I've been sitting here debating this one.  This is the item that used to say 'Get Married.'  Used to because this is one of those things I mentioned earlier that I kinda stopped hoping for.  I still want it, you have no idea how much. But in order for me to live my life NOW I had to get OK with being alone for the long haul.  That's not pessimism or bitterness.  It's the reality that not all relationships will be great or faithful or even good and no matter what happens or who comes in and out of my life ultimately I have to be able to be ok by myself because there are no guarantees in life.  I don't want to idly throw this one down on paper, it's simply too important to me.  So I will phrase it this way...before my time on Earth ends I would like to experience a truly great relationship in which I feel loved and respected and wanted.  And more importantly I want that person to let me love them back.  Whether that relationship is bound by vows and paper or just a mutual agreement of honesty and monogomy, I would like to know what that feels like.